Post # 1
We are under 3 months out from our wedding. We’ve been seriously planning for almost a year now. Neither of us even thought about asking our parents for money because (a) we’re in our 30s and doing okay and (b) we probably make more than they ever have (I know for sure I alone make more than my parents combined). Out of nowhere this weekend, FMIL asked us if we wanted money for the wedding. I was shocked because in the past she has made statements to Fiance without me present about not spending too much on the wedding. I was caught so off-guard, I just blurted out something like “We would never ask you for money.”
In retrospect, I am wondering if she was offended and really wants to contribute. And in all honesty, I would appreciate it. This wedding is costing us a nice chunk of change so any help would be appreciated. But now I don’t know how to broach the subject or if I should even do so at all.
Post # 3
oh my… I think you should apologize to your Future Mother-In-Law. I think your assumption that she couldn’t contribute because you guys are more financially stable than she is is kind of presumptious and prob plain out rude. She wants to contribute to her son’s wedding and you kind of threw it in her face.
Post # 4
I would see if you could work it into a future conversation and let her know that you appreciate her offer of money and that you are more than happy to accept whatever she feels comfortable giving.
We are not asking for (or expecting) money from our families. Like you we are 30 and financially secure. I assume that if our families want to help out financially, they will gift us cash at their discretion.
Post # 5
You should definitely bring it up to her – in my opinion she wouldn’t have asked if you wanted it if she didn’t want to give it. So I’d say something like “the other day when you asked if we wanted any money for the wedding, I didn’t mean to offend you with my response. If there is something you would like to help with for the wedding, that would be wonderful.” And then let her take it from there.
Post # 6
Thanks for the replies.
@MrsNeutrino: I think you totally misunderstood me. I wasn’t assuming she couldn’t contribute I was saying we would never ask. Nor did I say she wasn’t financially stable at all.
Post # 7
@NJmeetsBX: Maybe I did misunderstand, why exactly did you respond like that now?
Post # 8
Post # 9
@babymakes3: @redheadem: I agree, this seems like the perfect way to handle the situation.
Post # 10
Im sure she didnt mean to offend you… she wants to help out and figured she can pitch in a few bucks. cmon, everyone is always complaining about money anyway- She probably figured you guys would be happy with cash help rather then anything else
Post # 11
I would have Fiance talk with her. He could say that you were taken by surprise by her question and sound her out on whether it was an offer or if she was just asking to see if she was expected to contribute.