(Closed) FMIL being obnoxious

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

I think you have put up with more than enough. It sounds like she was expecting you not to actually get married, and now she’s having to try to pretend like she never treated you so badly. I would e-mail her, and tell her that it seems like she is trying to repair the damage she has done in the past. Tell her you are open to a relationship with her, but that she owes you an apology before you’re really comfortable letting her in. Be specific about what she has done in the past and how it made you feel.

Stubborn people usually don’t know how to apologize and sometimes it makes them go really crazy trying to act like there is nothing to apologize for (my own Mom is a lot like this). You just have to be direct and set a firm boundary until she is ready to recognize her own poor behavior. 

Edit: I would run anything by your Fiance before you send it to her, he knows his Mom best.

Post # 4
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MissBiology:  WoW!  Yikes.  Maybe just go shopping with her for HER dress-so she doesn’t decide to wear a white wedding dress to YOUR wedding!  I also wouldn’t tell her any of your plans until they are final!  Hopefully someone else is planning your shower?

Post # 5
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee

I would just stop talking about the wedding with her.

As far as the limo…..I would tell her Yes that would be a great idea.

I am sure everyone else will think she is nuts too.

Post # 6
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

From what you say, it sounds like she has deeper issues that only SHE can work through herself and anything you do or say isn’t really going to change it.  Also it sounds like this is going to be a re-occuring theme through out your life and not just wedding planning.  I’m so sorry that you have to go through this.  I hope it works out for you. 

Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

WOW WOW WOW—I feel so horrible for you!  I would die (or explode with anger) if I were you, so I give you a ton of credit for taking it this long.

With that being said, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.  Yes, you need to start standing up for yourself, and Fiance needs to stand up to his mother/back you up as well.  I would NOT trust an ounce of her either, so please be careful as you continue to plan for things (i.e, maybe not sharing who your vendors are would be a good idea…you never know who may be cancelling them for you, etc.).

I wouldn’t ask her along for dress shopping or anything of the sort.  After reading your post, I am seriously worried of what she will do. 

All in all, I would just (politely/nicely) disclude her from as much as you can.  I really hope your day is wonderful and she keeps it under control.

Post # 10
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your right that it probably goes back to the divorce, and if she’s unstable I would suggest that you and you Fi discuss what kind of a role she’ll play in your lives. If you set the boundaries before you are married it will be easier to enforce. Maybe also talk future role with your children. If these mental problems are undoing don’t expect them to go away. But your marriage will benefit with you both being on the same page.

Post # 11
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Wow. I do not have any brothers, but boy, she sounds exactly like my mom, right down to the number of marriages, the fake BFF-syndrome, and trying to make herself the center of the whole wedding. Keep this woman at a distance.

Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

sounds like my mom and nothing you do or say even sticking up for yourself will help. Crazy is crazy just continue to be nice and ignore her behaviour. 

Post # 13
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your right that it probably goes back to the divorce, and if she’s unstable I would suggest that you and you Fi discuss what kind of a role she’ll play in your lives. If you set the boundaries before you are married it will be easier to enforce. Maybe also talk future role with your children. If these mental problems are undoing don’t expect them to go away. But your marriage will benefit with you both being on the same page.

Post # 14
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

yikes….

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