(Closed) FMIL Boundaries

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

TBH I would suck it up. It’s a nice gesture to give her a ride, and it’s the holidays and all that; plus, it’s not like you have to host her in your home for three weeks straight or something crazy like that.

I do, however, suggest that you should speak to your FH that he should not agree to any plans of this nature without asking you first. The fact that he’s agreed to it already would likely bring all kinds of drama if you tried to back out, so I’d let it go this time, with the understanding that in the future it will be a discussion involving the two of you.

Post # 4
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

Ive actually had the same conversation with my Fiance that somethingbee suggested. It totally took him by surprise, he never really saw us as a unit up until that point. After the conversation, weve never had to have it again! Good luck Bee and I agree, just suck it up this time around if you can πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You guys should all just fly!! 17 hours in the car with anyone (FMIL or not) would probably drive me insane.

Post # 6
Member
1978 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
alyssades25:  You’re welcome! πŸ™‚ I think a good fallback is “if we can’t fix it this time, let’s work on the next time.” Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

As you said cost is an issue for flights, I have to assume that might be why she is so committed to driving with you? If so, then you really have to suck it up, unfortunately. And look on the bright side – another driver to help out. I would just pack the car with things that let you “tune out” – like headphones – in case she gets annoying. And if you plan to do the drive over a couple of days mkae her get her own room and spend a quiet evening of NOT driving alone together! Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee

I would throw myself out of the car if I had to be stuck in it with my Future Mother-In-Law for that long.  Or I’d need horse tranquilizers.  I feel your pain, bee.  I know it’s a practical option to have her ride along with you guys, but I just couldn’t do it. 

Post # 11
Member
2668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I think you need to suck it up. Seeing your Future Mother-In-Law a few times a year, no matter how often you see your own family, is really nothing (I personally see my FI’s family at least once a week because we live nearby). What I would do, however, is speak with your Fiance about agreeing to things without first checking with you. This is something that my Fiance is prone to doing, but my main issue is that he agrees to plans when we already have plans to do something else. Maybe just tell him that you don’t mind, but you would appreciate it if he double-checked you guys didn’t have other plans before giving his mother a definite answer.

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