(Closed) FMIL Cancelled My Bridal Shower

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry : ( that sounds really uncomfortable and sad.

Its really mean of your Future Mother-In-Law to do that to you- assuming she didn’t have some sort of personal emergency. 

After that, I’d have a friend take charge.  Can your Maid/Matron of Honor step in and assume shower responsibilities?

Post # 3
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁 You said the invitations were already sent out; did your Future Mother-In-Law call everyone to cancel the shower? I’m actually not having a shower, aside from the one that my co-workers threw for me, so I don’t agree with your statement that “someone has to” throw you a shower. If you really don’t want one and no one else is offering to host, just make sure all of the guests know the shower was canceled and leave it at that.

Post # 4
Member
7972 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You don’t have to have a shower. When you say invitations were delivered you don’t mean they were sent out, correct? 

Plan a spa day for yourself on the day the shower would have taken place and be happy you get to relax instead of dealing with a great deal of unnecessary stress.

Sorry, Bee. Families are imperfect things, some more than others. 

Post # 6
Member
1197 posts
Bumble bee

Bee this situation sucks, I’m sorry. 🙁

I’d request that the whole thing be scrapped and go back to restricting FMILs involvement. It was obviously the better plan. 

Post # 7
Member
27 posts
Newbee

First, there is nothing for you to be ashamed about.  Mad yes, ashamed no.  This is all on Mother-In-Law.  She’s an adult, she browbeat you into taking on that responsibility, let her take the blame for it  

Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like the textbook definition of a narcissist. 

Go ahead with your wedding plans without her…. completely.  No more letting her manipulate you into anything.  My sincerest advice would be for both of you to distance yourselves from her at least until the rehearsal dinner/wedding.  You both need to do this and stand firm.  Also decide if you even want her at the wedding.  Again, you and your FH need to be on the same page on this.   All of her antics, the crying, the immature behavior and such are manipulation tactics so that people let her have her way.  When that doesn’t happen then she blows up.  So now that you have seen MIL’s true colors, you know you can no longer depend on her for anything.  DON’T!

This should be a happy time for you so BREATHE, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep it moving. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.   Have some date nights!   Just immerse yourself in any kind of fun activity but do not dwell on toxic people.   Also, I’d suggest your FH get some counseling…seriously.  Having a narcissist for a mother can seriously do some damage to a child.

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anonymous233 :  

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anonymous233 :  

Post # 8
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This has no reflection on you. What did the invitation say about rsvp’s? It is up to the host to notify the guests that the shower has been cancelled.

Post # 9
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Sorry to hear about your horrible Mother-In-Law. But good news is that she canceled it so early– she could have bailed the day before! I would see what your Future Father-In-Law has to say. Maybe his gf wouldn’t mind at all and you could help her. It would probably be a lot less stressful and more fun there anyway! 

Post # 10
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

What a bitch.

Post # 11
Member
524 posts
Busy bee

Not s bad reflection on you, but who’s going to cancel on guests? I’d tel Future Mother-In-Law that’s fine, I don’t understand but would you mind calling up invitees and explaining that you’ve chosen to cancel ? Or should I? 

 

Post # 12
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

View original reply
anonymous233 :  Ahh, okay. Makes much more sense now. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Make sure she calls everyone to cancel! She’s the host after all.

Post # 14
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

If I allowed my Future Mother-In-Law to hold my bridal shower, I guarantee the same thing would happen to me. So I feel your pain. If yours is anything like mine, she’ll continue to be the victim and blame the cancellation on you. So maybe you should be the one to explain things to the guests.

Post # 15
Member
13667 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would tell her to just cancel then, and the Future Father-In-Law thanks, but no thanks. It’s up to Future Mother-In-Law to contact the guests she already invited.

If a friend or friends later offer on their own that would be one thing, but you would never approach anyone or hint at it. If people know the shower has been cancelled, someone might step up on their own, though. If it was a friend of mine, I would. 

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