Post # 1
I am feeling at a loss. My Fiance and his mom (FMIL) had an arguement the other day. His mom and him have a rocky relationship and I feel that she treats him unfairly. Without getting into too many details, she is a very irrational, immature, and manipulative person. At the beginning of wedding planning, she was very demanding and after a few arguements, we decided to keep wedding talk to minimum with her. She began to feel very excluded and a couple of weeks ago, we all got together and solved some of our conflict. Ever since, we’ve been trying to include her more in our wedding planning and it backfired the other day.
She offered to do my bridal shower so I accepted and allowed her to (couldn’t really say no). All of the invitations were delivered yesterday and today she texted me and told me that she can’t handle any of this anymore and will not be throwing my shower anymore. She said she asked my Future Father-In-Law (who is her ex-husband) to throw it instead (she probably meant his girlfriend), but I really don’t want a pity shower. I really don’t want a shower at all anymore. I am embarassed to have a shower thrown for me because Future Mother-In-Law is making someone take over for her. Any kind words or advice is appreciated.
Post # 2
I’m sorry : ( that sounds really uncomfortable and sad.
Its really mean of your Future Mother-In-Law to do that to you- assuming she didn’t have some sort of personal emergency.
After that, I’d have a friend take charge. Can your Maid/Matron of Honor step in and assume shower responsibilities?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁 You said the invitations were already sent out; did your Future Mother-In-Law call everyone to cancel the shower? I’m actually not having a shower, aside from the one that my co-workers threw for me, so I don’t agree with your statement that “someone has to” throw you a shower. If you really don’t want one and no one else is offering to host, just make sure all of the guests know the shower was canceled and leave it at that.
Post # 4
You don’t have to have a shower. When you say invitations were delivered you don’t mean they were sent out, correct?
Plan a spa day for yourself on the day the shower would have taken place and be happy you get to relax instead of dealing with a great deal of unnecessary stress.
Sorry, Bee. Families are imperfect things, some more than others.
Post # 5
I didn’t say I needed a shower, I absolutley agree that I don’t need a shower. Which is why I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to take over for Future Mother-In-Law just because she cancelled. I feel like she put my FFIL’s girlfriend in a spot where she has to host the shower now by asking her to take over, and I really don’t want her to throw me a shower because she has to.
EDIT: I see where you got that – by “because someone has to” I meant “because FMIL is forcing someone to take over her plans.” I edited to clarify. 🙂
Post # 6
Bee this situation sucks, I’m sorry. 🙁
I’d request that the whole thing be scrapped and go back to restricting FMILs involvement. It was obviously the better plan.
Post # 7
First, there is nothing for you to be ashamed about. Mad yes, ashamed no. This is all on Mother-In-Law. She’s an adult, she browbeat you into taking on that responsibility, let her take the blame for it
Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like the textbook definition of a narcissist.
Go ahead with your wedding plans without her…. completely. No more letting her manipulate you into anything. My sincerest advice would be for both of you to distance yourselves from her at least until the rehearsal dinner/wedding. You both need to do this and stand firm. Also decide if you even want her at the wedding. Again, you and your FH need to be on the same page on this. All of her antics, the crying, the immature behavior and such are manipulation tactics so that people let her have her way. When that doesn’t happen then she blows up. So now that you have seen MIL’s true colors, you know you can no longer depend on her for anything. DON’T!
This should be a happy time for you so BREATHE, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep it moving. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Have some date nights! Just immerse yourself in any kind of fun activity but do not dwell on toxic people. Also, I’d suggest your FH get some counseling…seriously. Having a narcissist for a mother can seriously do some damage to a child.
Post # 8
This has no reflection on you. What did the invitation say about rsvp’s? It is up to the host to notify the guests that the shower has been cancelled.
Post # 9
Sorry to hear about your horrible Mother-In-Law. But good news is that she canceled it so early– she could have bailed the day before! I would see what your Future Father-In-Law has to say. Maybe his gf wouldn’t mind at all and you could help her. It would probably be a lot less stressful and more fun there anyway!
Post # 11
Not s bad reflection on you, but who’s going to cancel on guests? I’d tel Future Mother-In-Law that’s fine, I don’t understand but would you mind calling up invitees and explaining that you’ve chosen to cancel ? Or should I?
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
Ahh, okay. Makes much more sense now. 🙂
Post # 13
Make sure she calls everyone to cancel! She’s the host after all.
Post # 14
If I allowed my Future Mother-In-Law to hold my bridal shower, I guarantee the same thing would happen to me. So I feel your pain. If yours is anything like mine, she’ll continue to be the victim and blame the cancellation on you. So maybe you should be the one to explain things to the guests.
Post # 15
I would tell her to just cancel then, and the Future Father-In-Law thanks, but no thanks. It’s up to Future Mother-In-Law to contact the guests she already invited.
If a friend or friends later offer on their own that would be one thing, but you would never approach anyone or hint at it. If people know the shower has been cancelled, someone might step up on their own, though. If it was a friend of mine, I would.