(Closed) FMIL Can’t do rehearsal dinner night before!?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Honestly, the fact she is doing the flowers is a HUGE task.  Would there be any way to do something like a rehersal luncheon?  Maybe that way it can be the day before and she still has time to do the flowers?  Otherwards, maybe just do it on Thursday and if anyone asks just say you don’t want to have a late night the night before the wedding. 

 

I actually wanted to have my rehersal dinner two nights before so that the day/ night before I went to bed early, etc.

Post # 4
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s not unheard of to do a Thursday night rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.

I think you need to give Future Mother-In-Law some slack because she’ll have the flower responsibility. 

If you must have the rehearsal on Friday night, consider hiring a florist instead of using Future Mother-In-Law (although, that might create a whole other issue!) – that way, she can participate in the festivities and you don’t have to worry about timing, etc.

 

Post # 5
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Does she have anyone at the shop or florist friends that can help?  Maybe she can start the your bouquet in the morning/early afternoon .  Then get ready for the rehersal and have someone else take over for the bridesmaids.  Then after the dinner she can go check on/finish the flowers?

Post # 7
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmm… I’m with you that this is a little weird.

Have you called her to ask her directly how you can make this happen? Maybe going straight to the source will help.

Post # 9
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are only in a bad spot if you treat it that way. Respectfully probe for a solution. You aren’t requesting anything crazy. And even if the need to make the bouquet’s THAT NIGHT (not the afternoon, not the morning, but Friday night) is a little odd (coming from someone who doesn’t know a thing about flowers), it isn’t crazy. Neither of you is actually being rude or disrespectful, so just treat it as it is: a schedule conflict between reasonable people that will be resolved through reasonable dialogue.

Post # 10
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

First of all, does she really need to be at the actual church rehersal?  Don’t the mothers just walk down the isle and are then seated.  I would think she could probably skip that and it would save her some time.

Second, a rehersal dinner would maybe be from like 6 pm on.  Is there really NO WAY that she can do the flowers and finish before 6pm? 

I agree that it is not unheard of to do a Thursday rehersal, but if your family and friends really cannot make it out to your wedding by Thursday then you can’t do it then.  Simply put you cannot have a rehersal without your bridesmaids it kinda defeats the purpose.  I agree with the PP that you have to treat it not that she is being difficult but simply that its a scheduling conflict.

 

 

Post # 11
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Considering that she is a florist, maybe she only has time to work on the bouquets Friday evening because of her business?  Remember, she’s not a vendor you’re paying so you can’t really dictate to her when she does it (not to imply that you are).  

I completely understand though, about your guests who would attend the Rehearsal Dinner not being around until Friday and how you want them to be able to attend.  Is it possible to do, as someone suggested, a rehearsal luncheon – or are most people expected to arrive in the evening?  In the greater scheme of things, it might actually be nicer to have the rehearsal dinner/lunch/whatever earlier because it gives you some time to relax before the big day.  

My Rehearsal Dinner might not be the night before our wedding, and to be honest, I’m fine with that because I wouldn’t mind having a full day to take care of last minute stuff without being held to a schedule. But at the same time, my mother and brother are not from Out of Town (One of my Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs is).

More importantly though, do your FI’s parents know that if you do have the Rehearsal Dinner on a Thursday that your parents and siblings may not be able to attend?  The rest of the bridal party and aunts/uncles aside, if they know that Thursday would be difficult for your parents that might change things.  I think the one thing that everyone can agree on is that having a Rehearsal Dinner without both sets of parents (living of course) is kind of unheard of.  I would try that approach first, you never know…

Post # 12
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Difficult situation, but the answer is not to have her do your flowers on a different day.  Maybe you can help out earlier on Friday?  Talk to her about your concerns and see if you can work something out.  Hopefully, you will.

Oh, and off the bat, I would not recommend suggesting to her that she do flowers on Saturday.  If you as my future daughter-in-law came to me asking me to do your flowers on the day of my son’s wedding, I would look at you like you had two heads.  Even if the wedding were at 10 at night.

Post # 13
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Im doing my rehearsal dinner 2 nights before the wedding, that way nobody will be hungover on my wedding day, luncheon sounds good though

Post # 14
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would hire a florist to do some of the flowers. Your Future Mother-In-Law shouldn’t have so many flowers to do that she is missing out on wedding activities. Ask her what she really wants to do (maybe just your boquet) and then hire someone else to do the rest. She shouldn’t be doing flowers instead of attending the rehersal dinner.

Post # 15
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i’m doing my own flowers, so we’re going to have a lunch rehearsal the day before, and then i’ll be spending the afternoon on flowers. would that be an option?

Post # 16
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would call your Future Mother-In-Law up and ask what you can work out, explain that on Thursday none of your family would be in town. But, also explain that you want her to be there so you are willing to help/ do what it takes to ensure her attendance.

Usually when it comes to inlaws I think its best for the Fiance to handle the situation, but in this, I think it will be more peaceful if you talk to her, that way she can hear your compassion & willingness to include her.

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