(Closed) FMIL + Catering = VENT (Long read sorry eek)

posted 6 years ago in Food
  • poll: Should I allow FMIL to have pre-set food on the reception tables?
    Sure, why not. Everyone loves to nosh. : (4 votes)
    13 %
    No way, that's tacky and who knows how long it's been there. : (26 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 3
    12973 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It’s your wedding.  If you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it.  Calmly tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you have considered her opinion, but decided that it doesn’t work well for your vision of the night.  Explain how the cost of this wedding is already really high and adding all of these extra things adds not only the food cost, but additional service cost. 

    Good luck handling this!

    Post # 4
    645 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    If you feel that strongly – don’t give in.

    “Everyone will talk about the wedding and complain if you do not have food on the table for them when they go in the room” – NO – Seriously only “her people” will complain and do you really care even if they do?


    Post # 5
    1473 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My FI’s family is from Eastern Europe as well so I know where you are coming from. They are very pushing people. Like you, I have held firm through everything and compromised a helluva lot more.

    If this means SO much to her, just put some veggies on tray and make it look really cool. That should make her shut up about it. But if it is really something that you don’t wish to do, then don’t. You mentioned she has tantrums a lot. Let her have this tantrum and be done with it.

    I will say if your FI’s family is anything like my FI’s family though, they will talk if one tiny little thing is not perfectly European. I don’t mind this because I am like you, just basic American. They have to realzie that because they still hold strong to traditions from “The Old Country” does not mean that we should totally do everything their way. Everytime FI’s mom says that, I just so let them. What is the worst that they can say to you? “Oh, teribble wedding, there wer no pickled onions on the tables! Who does she think she is?” And your wedding sounds like it is going to be amazing and they will probbaly not even notice to be honest,

    Post # 6
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    “There is no way I’m giving up centerpiece space for a dish of pickled onions….. “

    Absolutely. You are catering to half of your guests by having a kosher meal, which is fantastic. I understand that there are some cultural differences, but if they think the catering is crappy because there isn’t bread on the table to go with their vodka, then they can shove it.

    If you didn’t have a cocktail hour beforehand, then maybe. But there’s no need for another spread of food before the first course (plus, how much would that put you back?)

    Post # 7
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Yeah… if grown men can’t deal for the 20 minutes MAYBE between them walking from the cocktail hour and dinner being served then they need to see a doctor or something. I say don’t worry about it and do what you want!

    Post # 8
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Just don’t give in, people aren’t going to talk badly about the wedding.

    Just say “this is Fiance and my decision and we’re sticking with it.”

    Post # 9
    2095 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Is it possible you might be ab;e to have the first course waiting on the tables to appease her? If you are already spending 75k+ on the meal, I can’t see how much more you can add.

    Post # 10
    1628 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Yeah saying people will talk badly about your wedding is just a way to manipulate you. So what if they talk that way? That is just rude on THEIR part. And they probably aren’t going to anyway. You’ve already made multiple concessions…its time for Fiance to put his foot down and tell his mother she’s being rude to you at this point.

    Post # 11
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I definitely DO NOT think you need to have that food on the table. IF- for whatever reason you decide to do it because of her, she should pay for it as it is something she is “insisting” on.

    Post # 12
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I do not think you need to have any food on the table if you don’t want it. They’ve had plenty of it. On the other hand, at my wedding we’re having a salad pre-set on each plate to save time. Would having your appetizers pre-set be a compromise you’re willing to work with? I don’t think you should have to but it sounds better to me than sacrificing your centerpieces for additional food.

    Post # 13
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    In your shoes, I would hold firm:

    1. That’s just so much food.  Something is going to end up being wasted – the food on the tables, or much of your dinner.

    2. I’m a big believer in teaching people how to treat you.  I understand wanting to be sensitive to your Future Mother-In-Law, but this is really ridiculous.  She can’t get her way every time she has a tantrum.

    3. For as much as you’re spending on this wedding, you should get to call the shots.

    Post # 14
    159 posts
    Blushing bee

    Oh my.


    Being from a second generation eastern european family – I totally understand your frustration…but I think its time that you pick up on one european mannerism (just one) that will help you in the long run…


    When she complains, speak to her in the language that she understands.



    “Everyone will talk about the wedding and complain if you do not have food on the table for them when they go in the room”  “mama, everyone will talk if we feed them food thats sitting around and they get sick!  Do you want your relatives to get sick at Your sons wedding? Oh how awful that would be!!! We would have to rush them all to the hospital!! Thats why we are making sure the food will be served very fresh when they sit down !!!Your son is so wise to plan on having everyone served rather then food just sitting around – it will be present to the guests like kings and queens – our guests will be royality!


    “When our men are drinking the Vodka they need to have the bread and the salads on the table to eat, otherwise it is crappy”    Oh yes mama I agree – they must have the freshest food so they dont get sick – that would be so horrible if all the men get sick at YOUR sons wedding! We must make sure then that the food is served fresh  and not sitting around!!! We have that covered – your son is so smart that way! In fact he planned so much on this wedding, that I think he is a genius!


    And then lean back and listen to her brag on and on to everyone in the family about how her son is so wise, smart, and a genius to serve the best food possible, and treat them like royality. 




    The only downside isyou will thenhave 100% yes responses to your RSVP’s for that side of the family.




    Good luck and ((hugs!))).  It will still be a beautiful wedding!



    Post # 15
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Oh my. We had a similar experience, although not as bad!

    Stand your ground! Tell her you asked the caterer and they refuse to provide this, and then stop telling her anything more.

    The topic ‘FMIL + Catering = VENT (Long read sorry eek)’ is closed to new replies.

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