(Closed) FMIL declined and is not coming to our wedding

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Did she give you a reason why she isn’t going to the reception? That just sounds very strange to me.

Post # 5
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it would probably be best if you count them, and then prepare to lose that money when they don’t come/stay. :/   THe way I figure it, it’s probably better to lose the money than deal with the drama if they do come and there is no place for them.

That said, I just went and skimmed your other posts about your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law, and I think it would probably be best if they were not present at all.  In one of your posts, I believe you mentioned seeing a couples therapist to deal with these issues?  What does the therapist think about all this?

I can understand your Fiance wanting his mother and sister there, but they are so beyond hateful about your relationship that it really seems unhealthy to me to have them there, glowering at you!

Post # 6
216 posts
Helper bee

I’m a little confused…

Did you not want her at the ceremony or the reception? That is really between Fiance and his mom, but I don’t think it’s appropriate to invite her to one and not the other. It is all or nothing…is she invited or not?

The head count is only for the reception. Even though she says she isn’t going she is your Future Mother-In-Law so I would still pay for a plate for her just in case she changes her mind! You would have paid for it anyway and you can always pack it up and send it to her as a thoughtful gesture.

I would certainly not pay for her 5 friends if you aren’t even sure if SHE herself is coming. I can understand wanting to avoid drama if she does decide to show and brings 5 friends with her–but you or your Fiance should tell her beforehand that her bringing her friends is not okay then I think you will be giving her a clear warning that there will not be food for them and they are not welcome.

Post # 7
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

So sorry you are dealing with this! I think you and Fiance need to talk and decide what you really want to do here. Allow her to come or not and made it clear to her that she either is coming to all or you will tell your DOC to escort her out if she shows up. I would be PISSED if i had paid for 5 people that didnt show up!

You already got your RSVPS back for your Nov 28th wedding? My invites are still being designed :/

Post # 10
624 posts
Busy bee

She is throwing a tempertantrum. She’s already given you her answer so I would suggest that your Fiance leave it at that instead of groveling at her feet telling her he wants her there.  Hello, she knows this and is using it to get more attention so just say “I’m sorry you feel this way, you will be missed.”  If you are in fact getting married in November she has plenty of time to change her mind.

I would go on with your day as if she is not coming to either.  Fill the MOG seat with someone in his family.  Let her sit in the back pouting.  I wouldn’t count her in the headcount and have someone checking off names.  She’s going to cause drama whether she goes or not.  And if you do order the extra meals, send them home with your family for lunch the next day.

Post # 11
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Even tho it isn’t an ideal situation, be happy you know now. My daughter’s Future Mother-In-Law said she was coming, showed up for the ceremony, and with no warning, walked right out the side gate to her car and left! We had no idea, and not only was I shocked, I was livid.

I’d say who needs her and her scathing looks? Why would she come anyway if she’s so unhappy about your marriage? Don’t let her ruin your wedding day. 🙁

Post # 12
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm.. Well, this obviously isn’t an ideal situation no matter how you slice it. If I were you, I would call or write to her and say that you got her RSVP and it makes you sad and ultimatly you hope she changes her mind and comes, she is always welcome.

Otherwise, it’s a horrible way to start your marriage by shunning your Future Mother-In-Law, even though she kind of deserves it. But that would be the last that I let her throw any temper tantrums. If she still doesn’t come after that, I would seriously cut her out of your lives because that is the ultimate insult and she is doing nothing except hurting your marriage if you continue relations.

Post # 13
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ams12: OMYgosh ! UNBELIEVABLE ! Please don’t let her ruin your day !

Post # 15
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

@ams12: Yep…she basically told them they were making a horrible mistake getting married, and it was even worse it wasn’t taking place in church. They had their ceremony outside in the garden in a gazebo and reception immediately following in the ballroom of a beautiful hotel. We just recently found out her plan all along was to just stop by on the way to meeting some friends for dinner! My SIL’s brother came and also his sister, and no one gave them even a card.

They bought a house together 9 months before their wedding,and all she did was lecture them about how sinful they were.

She’s a whackjob religious fanatic, on her THIRD marriage,so who is she to preach!

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