(Closed) FMIL Demanding Extra Invites

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@EmilyJoy:  Stick to your guns! Your FMIL probably “invited” people through word of mouth without asking you, and now expects you to cover her butt… too bad!

You told her you’re at max capacity… if you let this one slide, she’ll just keep adding more people. You can’t add any more! Too bad for her for asking at the last minute!

She owes you and your FI an apology fot that nasty voicemail, too. What a way to kick off your relationship!

Post # 4
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If there’s no room space-wise, there’s nothing more to be done than to hold firm.  If it’s a purely budget issue, you could indicate that to her and she can decide if she wants to offer to pay for them (if that’s something you’d be okay with).  Have your FI respond on both of your behalves so nothing can be misconstrued.

Post # 5
Member
8735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

There are two schools of thought on this and your FMIL apparently falls into the one that says the guest list comes first, then the budget. The only problem is that it seems she gave you her names already, you based a budget and venue around those expectations, and now she is coming back for more.  That’s not right and you handled it appropriately.

The only thing I can think that has upset her is if she was somehow under the impression that HER guest list had to be limited, but then realized your parents invited everyone they knew.  If so, that is not right, either. 

Post # 6
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

definitely stick to ‘no’ – it’s completely unacceptable for her to be demanding invites without any contribution, and to leave a nasty voicemail is awful – do NOT reward that behaviour with invites, or she will learn that being rude and nasty works. NOT a good precedent!

keep repeating that there is no room at the venue or in your budget until she gets it. 

Your FI should take her aside and explain that her voicemail was not okay and that you will not be extending her any more invites. 

Post # 9
Member
5425 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Unless she plans to add an extension to your venue to accomodate her friends, they cannot come.  You are maxed out.

Post # 10
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with PP’s. Stick to your guns. If she persists then let your FI handle his mother. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Stick to your guns! Let your fiancé deal with reminding his mom about the capacity issues. The bottom line is these people can’t fit. But leave it up to him to fight battles with his family.

Post # 12
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@EmilyJoy:  Is the number of invitations you’ve given them fairly equitable between them, yourselves and your parents?  If so, then have your FI call her and tell her that and that you can’t give her any more – the answer  is no. 

If you’ve given them a handful of invitations while you and your parents have used the lions share, then I can understand her upset a bit. 

Post # 13
Member
2534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@EmilyJoy:  What phone provider do you have? Or do you have a smart phone?
I am not even kidding when I say that there MUST be a way to block voicemails specifically coming from her phone. (OK I just looked this up and maybe not… who develops apps here? Make this app and cut me a bit of the profit! haha)
Oh, my FI has an app that lets him review voicemails out of order and delete some before he even listens to them. Would you like me to ask him what it’s called?
OR if there’s a way you could send her own voicemails back into her voicemail box, that could be mildly useful. It’s one thing to leave a nasty voicemail, it’s another to listen to your own nasty voicemail later on.

But don’t give her any more invites. Stand your ground!  😀
She got a few already, you have no more room, and she doesn’t have the right to intimidate you over something like this. It’s your wedding and she’s not paying – even if she was, throwing a tantrum over voicemail isn’t the way to ask someone.

Post # 14
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Invites do not have to be evenly spread amongst your & FI, your parents and his. It is your wedding, meaning you get to invite the majority of the guests. Your parents are paying, meaning they get a say in who comes (but not even close to 1/3 of your guestlist). I think that allowing FMIL to invite her closest friends was good enough. If these 10 extra people weren’t important enough when the guest list first was drafted, they’re not important enough now.

Post # 16
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She’s more than welome to ibnvite people as long as she covers the cost and you have enougb space in your veue if not tell her no. Better yet tell your fiance to tell her no, he doesn’t have to be as nice.

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