(Closed) FMIL Demanding Extra Invites

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 48
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Your husband should be talking to his mother, about her demanding behavior. She has NO SAY in the guest list as she is contributing NOTHING.

Post # 49
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@EmilyJoy:  do you not have room in the venue? Or did you not want to pay for it? Can you ask her to pay for them? like if she wants to invite people you don’t know, she can but as long as she pays for them. 

Post # 50
Member
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

I agree with @weddingmaven: traditional Etiquette, once upon a time certainly stated that the Invites were divided up evenly (even in the day when the Bride’s Parents Paid)

Numbers were either 50/50 Brides & Grooms sides (which is WHY people used to come into the Church and be seated on one side or the other… as things were “supposed” to be fairly equal)

OR in the case of a more independent Bride & Groom (like when I got married the first time back in 1980) there was an “allowance” for the Couple and the balance got divided 50/50 between the Parents.

So for an aprox 110 person Wedding that might look like this…

30 – Bride & Groom’s Friends

40 – Bride’s Relatives & Family Friends

40 – Groom’s Relatives & Family Friends

Then IF for example the obligatory invites were sent, RSVP Replies came back as Negatives, and there were still space available, then the Invites for the B-List went out, and they’d go out based on priority (so might have a mish mash of people from all 3 categories… or be heavily favoured in one direction… ie more of the Couple’s Friends)

Then there is the other school of thought… a more modern one, and one I don’t necessarily subscribe to…

He who pays the most money… gets the most say.

It is true that money talks…

BUT this system inevitably ends up in bad feelings as there is a power struggle somewhere… be it between Parent’s & Children (Bride or Groom) or between Families… as seems to be going on here.

A Wedding may be about the love of 2 people, and their coming together to make a commitment… but it is just as much… if not more so… about the blending of TWO Families.

Both sides are due some respect in that mix… and that is WHY keeping things evenly split right from the get go is a good idea.  Period.

I’d go thru your Guest List and count up which category everyone falls into…

Couple Friend…or Relative (and which side).  Then see where you truly stand.  If you need to even things up a tad, and have the space and money to do so.  It would be right thing to do IMO.

Hope this helps,

PS… Agree with the other Bees, if this gets potentially heated, then your Fiance should be the one to address it with is Mother (not you)… as she is causing a fuss, and he is the one who is realted to her (good tip for future inlaw encounters throughout your marriage, BTW)

 

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