- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
I need to vent or I’ll explode! Thank you in advance…grab your popcorn, fasten your seatbelts and here we now go:
My fiancé and I have been together for well over 4 years and were supposed to get married 11/12/13; to date, I have NEVER met my Future Mother-In-Law as she refuses to meet me since she thinks I’m not good enough for her son, and mainly because I’m not Mexican. I’m Filipina, heck, that’s as close I get, I’ve always thought and amused myself over! I’ve tried to reach out to her through him of course, asking to organize a nice lunch or dinner, or visit so she can meet me and get to know me and vice versa. She’s declined each time. In the time we’ve been together, she’s also been very sick; she’s a cancer survivor and he takes her to the emergency room every other weekend and I am not exaggerating. Here’s another tidbit: we’ve been having a long distance relationship the whole time as he lives/works in another county than I do and we both help our families financially (rent, utilities, etc.). He has siblings but NONE of them assist in her care; my fiancé has stated over and over again that she has burned her bridges with them all, my fiancé excluded. He is the only one that has been patient with her and truly cares about her welfare. When she fell very ill and there was concern that her cancer had come back, I bought her a rosary and prayer cards for him to give her, and she accepted it but still did not make an effort with me. She’s acted like this with my her other DIL who is white and has managed to talk smack about her in Spanish even while in her son’s home; this is the same son and DIL that she acted a fool with during their wedding by causing a scene in the ceremony and leaving the church.
She is no stranger to drama on holidays; she encourages it, is my understanding. One Christmas, which is my fiancé’s birthday as well, she showed up unannouced at her son’s house and argued with her two sons, stating she is considering moving out of state as she feels no love from them; yesterday, Easter Sunday, she got into with my fiancé about me, which he chooses not to talk about and that I respectfully do not want to know about. Here’s the thing, 2 years ago when we were supposed to get married, what kept it from happening was that he did not have her blessing to marry me. Some of you may be saying, ‘he’s a grown ass man,’ and I agree with you all wholeheartedly. As difficult as it was, I conceded the battle and here we are trying to get it done, without her damn blessing. Yet clearly, she is giving him a guilt trip about spending the last Easter holiday with her. I’ve heard all things about compromise from all ends of the earth, but am I crazy? There have been far too many instances wherein we had plans and they were cut short or cancelled because she thought she was dying. The setback we suffered 2 years ago had both of us in therapy for a year and we luckily bounced back healthier and happier than before.
As we approach the next few days before our day, I am nervous he’ll have cold feet and choose his mom once again. I’m scared to really have a heavy talk with him over this as he’s focused and looking forward to our event and doesn’t want to talk anything negative though I can sense he’s apprehensive and nervous too. It’s a feeling I’ve felt for many a time whenever we had plans; that something will come up and no one can take her to the hospital because of their family situation. Do I just let sleeping dogs lie and focus ahead or do I bring it up before we set out on our weekend?
Thank you, bees!