(Closed) fmil doesn’t approve of me :P

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

kierbear24…im sooo sorry to hear that you’re going through this!!! sending hugs your way!! sounds to me like you’ve tried everything you can to get her on your side. as much as it sucks….she’s prolly not gonna change soon. especially since she treats her other son’s wife the same. i would say to keep going about your wedding planning. from time to time give her the opportunity to help so that you’re completely excluding her and just try to not let it get to you πŸ™  i dont have issues with my Future Mother-In-Law, i have issues with my mom who i cant seem to get into my wedding. i eventually just stopped asking for her opinion on stuff, accepted it and im trying to have as much fun as i can with the rest of my planning. my dad and his side of the family are excited and cant wait so im getting tons of help from them. good luck with your Future Mother-In-Law. maybe watch the movie monster-in-law to help put ya in a better mood πŸ™‚ i cant help but laugh everytime i watch that movie!

Post # 4
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That sucks πŸ™  I hate to say it but you’ve done as much as you can.  If you’re already doing your best and she doesn’t like you, I don’t think you can change her.  With that said, your Fiance should be speaking to her about this.  She isn’t required to be your bff, but she should at least be respectful of your relationship with her son.  Keep your chin up.

Post # 5
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

You can’t make her like you, but she needs to respect you and be nice to you.  If she’s not doing that, have Fiance step in.  He needs to be on your side and make it clear to his Mom that he won’t tollerate her treating you badly. 

Post # 6
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

kierbear24 how is your FH’s relationship with her? My FH barely speaks with both his parents, I have no clue if they approve of me or not and neither of us really care so in our case it works just fine but it could be problematic. His mother tends to freak out if there are grandkids involved and wants to become more involved, she did this with his sister. We’ve talked and agreed of what we’ll do when we come to that. If your FH is not that close with her then it’s probably not a big deal but if he is I would say this is someone that you do have to spend every holiday and birthday and important family event with (if you guys are that type of family) you might want to consider trying to talk to her. Tell her you understand her concerns and reiterate that you two are having a long engagement but you’d like to start off on the right foot supporting each other rather than against each other right off the bat. The reality is she’ll need you as an alley as well right so it is in her best interest to try as well? I’ve never understood women like this. Good Luck!

Post # 8
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

just realized that i forgot to add a word in my first post….what i had meant to say was …. from time to time give her the opportunity to help so that you’re NOT completely excluding her….punctuation can be everything sometimes! sorry bout that….my brain must have gotten ahead of my fingers.

Post # 9
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i’m so sorry that she is being so difficult! πŸ™ i think honestly the only thing you can do is push past her… try to focus as much as possible on you and your Fiance. from the sounds of it she has control issues over her sons, so you may have to grow some thick skin around her. fmils can be such a bother sometimes, i’m very sorry!

Post # 10
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with everyone that there is nothing you can do at this point…its her issue…and no matter how awesome you are…she will still see you as taking away her son. Your family is very excited so I would try to spend more time around them…and just not worry about your Future Mother-In-Law….just ignore her and think about your wondeful man and your supportive family πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t have any great words of advice, but wanted to know you aren’t alone.  My Future Mother-In-Law disapproves of her 3 DILs, and while we’ve only spent a day together, I know that I would end up just like the others.  It’s not the best suggestion, but limiting contact or situations where you become uncomfortable is about the best I have.  She is not going to change, so all you can do is mentally prepare yourself for what she’s going to put you through.  You may want a good relationship with her, but she’s probably not going to let that happen. 

Post # 12
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Welcome to my Mother-In-Law doesn’t like me club! Limit your contact.. whenever I see my Mother-In-Law I end up angry, hurt, or both. 

Post # 13
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had a roommate receive a card (on multiple occassions) from her boyfriends parents… one even went so far to say that her NOW HUSBAND shouldn’t be dating her because they are students and therefore not ready to get married or.. wait for this… BREASTFEED! 

For her, many many tears later… they got married… and now have a baby. While her relationship with the Father-In-Law isn’t perfect, it’s tolerable. They also now don’t live nearby, which in some ways helped too… 

It may take time, which is frustrating… I’m sure with time she’ll hopefully soften…

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