Post # 1
i honestly don’t consider myself to me and overly sensitive person, so I’m hoping you guys can give me some feedback to put things in perspective for me.
My fiance was married (and divorced) 4 years before we met. He actually married his ex mainly because she got pregnant. They were married for a year and realized that it was a mistake and they got divorced shortly afterwards. He is still very much involved in his daughter’s life and he has remained on good terms with his ex. I have no problem with that at all — in fact, I’m proud of how he has always been there for his daughter and how he has never shirked his responsibilities. I’ve never met his ex (she and their daughter live in Puerto Rico), but by all accounts, she is a good person. I would never want to cause any sort of drama between her and my fiance.
My problem actually involves my future mother in law. When my fiance and I got engaged last week, we called his parents to tell them the good news and we were only able to speak to his Dad because his Mom was out at the time. His Dad was really happy and told me he loved me and said he was “so happy to get such a wonderful daughter in law”. The VERY NEXT DAY, I noticed that my fiance’s Mom (my future MIL) posted this on my fiance’s ex’s Facebook page: “I miss you and I will always love you.” What really hurts me, though is that it has been a full week since we told them the news out our engagement and we have yet to hear from her. Not a phone call, not and email. Nothing.
I’m really hurt. Am I overreacting?
Post # 3
No, I don’t think you’re over reacting. Something kinda like that happened with my brother. My mom absolutely loved my brother’s ex and was sure they were going to be married. As you can predict, they broke up and my brother married another girl. During that whole courtship time, my mom still kept in touch with the ex gf. I think mothers just have a harder time detaching from someone that they thought would be in their son’s life forever. I wouldn’t worry to much about it. Just give it some time. She will come around with open arms I’m sure.
Post # 4
Aww I am so sorry! I don’t think that you are overreacting in the slightest. I would be very hurt by something like that as well… Everyone wants their FMILs to be crazy about them and for them to feel like family. Have you gotten to know your Future Mother-In-Law much while the two of you were dating? If you guys don’t have much of a relationship yet, maybe involve her in your wedding planning – it could be a good way for the two of you to bond and it will let her know that you want her to be a part of the marriage. Of course if she continues to ignore you guys then that is a different story, but hopefully she will warm up to you soon. Keep your chin up! *hugs*
Post # 5
I’m sure this is a very hard time for you, but this could also be a hard time for her too. While she may really like you she is probably morning the fact that her son and her grandaughter’s mother will never be together. This may be a big deal to her if she is a very family orriented person. It is not a reflection on you as a person. I would call her and talk and not mention the engagement until she was comfortable enough to bring it up. Maybe she just needs some time to let things sink in before she can show her full love of the situation. Good luck and remember not everything is as it seems.
Post # 6
I share your sadness at not being 100% accepted by the FIL’s. My Fiance Dad and Stepmom are extremely negative and borderline rude to us – their comment and reaction to our becoming engaged was “Well, whatever makes you happy”
I’m trying hard to come to the point where I can accept that I will never get what I hoped for or wanted out of that side of his family. I have a feeling that for most of us brides who deal with these types of issue, we have a long road ahead of us with our inlaws.
I wish I could offer some sage advice other than ‘get over it’ – but I really can’t 🙁 I can jsut say that I understand and feel for you.
Post # 7
Wow. The comment was uncalled for but unfortunately, no one can really dictate who she is friends with. That’s really sad she can’t just be happy for you. Her loss- don’t let it get your excitement down.
Has there been other issues with her, or is this comment out of the blue?