- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
I want to preface this by saying my Future Mother-In-Law is a lovely woman. She’s sweet, caring, generous and funny. I want nothing more than to have a good relationship with her, and I know she feels the same.
She’s driving me nuts. She plans out aspects of the wedding and informs me of her ideas. I typically respond with “oh that sounds adorable, unfortunately Fiance and I decided on doing X” Her response is always “ok…well my idea blah blah blah, I can do blah blah, I’ll order it blah blah” This happened often early on in the wedding planning process, and has resulted in having two favors for our wedding guests. Mine and hers. She continually brought up her wedding favor ideas over and over again acting like I never told her I had it planned. I eventually caved but I was too far in the planning process to cancel my idea. This behavior continued, my Fiance stepped in and she backed off.
Well she’s back at it. She calls me and messages me incessantly with so many wedding questions and her own ideas. Another issue I have is her passive aggressive ways to attempt to manipulate me over the stupidest shit. For example, she wanted to invite a friend of hers to the wedding. No big deal, like really, such a non issue. She messages me saying “can I invite my dearest friend, it would mean so much to me” my response: of course! If she has a husband or SO I’ll need his name too” she responds “Oh she is married, I don’t know his name..I’ll just tell her he can come”… “well, I’d like his name so I can properly address their invitation and I’ll need his name for the escort card if they can make it” she again says “I’ll just tell her he’s invited” I had to explain myself again, before she finally agreed to find out his name. My issue: this clearly is not your “dearest friend” and that doesn’t even matter! Why do you need to try to frame things in such a way? It’s needless game playing. My second issue: why can’t she just meet me in the middle here? I ask her to do one thing so I can make this favor happen (my Fiance and I have no clue who this woman is), and she fights me on it.
Her constant badgering and disrepect in regards to my and FIs plans for our wedding, are adding unnecessary stress. I literally cried in my office yesterday, I just can’t take it.
No, she’s not paying for anything. Yes she has her traditional MOG “jobs”, none of which has ANYTHING been planned or done. All of which she graciously accepted and has shared the sentiment that she is “pushed out” of the process. She is on the other side of the country so I can’t invite her to dress shopping or other things. No one has behaved like her. Not my FIs step mom, and neither of my parents.
She lives out of town and is coming 2 weeks early for the wedding. The day trips she was planning on taking have all but disappeared from her plans. She said she would get a hotel at some point throughout her stay. Now she’s saying “I’ll get a hotel the day before the wedding, so I don’t overstay my welcome” She’s planning on getting ready with me. I’m trying so hard to stay optimistic and positive about her stay with us, but her behavior makes it so hard to keep that positive mental attitude.
I don’t want to say it’s all her fault, what am I doing wrong here? What else can I try? I have explained to her that I’m quite a control freak, me and her son have a clear vision for this wedding. And if she’s willing to help that would be fantastic because I need help with things. I am very specific about what she can do to help. I’ve tried numerous other ways to include her, but it never seems to be enough.