(Closed) FMIL….driving me up the wall

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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mwsrfrgirl:  It can be difficult. The only thing you really can do is let her comments go right over your head. Don’t let her push your buttons. Be honest with yourself. You don’t really care what her opinion is, so why let her opinion make you upset?

Post # 3
Member
48 posts
Newbee

Gotta love the hive, it sometimes feels like a Future Mother-In-Law support group! I see so many similar posts, and have my own issues with Future Mother-In-Law. I do my best to keep planning to myself. Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law also not contributing anything to our wedding either. Know you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling! As another bee posted, in one ear, out the other! I’d honestly try to just let yourself laugh at the situation. I know it can be difficult, but eventually you get to a point where you realize everything you do will make her or someone else unhappy. Oh well! It’s your wedding and you and your FH are who matters most. I keep our families separate at all costs to the best of my ability because it is so awkward and uncomfortable. Honestly, if it makes things easier all around, do it. She’ll just have to deal with it. Sorry for sounding so negative I can just totally relate haha. Best of luck!! 🙂  

Post # 4
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Yep, I’m a firm believer in the “that  sounds lovely , but  we are going to do x” or ”that sounds lovely , I’ll think about it/run it by Fi ” response . And DO nothing , of course .

Post # 6
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Hows the relationship between your Fiance and FMIL?

Post # 7
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Sometimes you have to let people do what they want with their money. Schedule the rehearsal for Saturday. If she wants to host a dinner on Friday, attend with you and your fiance.  You can have your own dinner on Saturday when your bridal party gets there.  Future Mother-In-Law will see how silly she’s being when she realizes that her way is just for her and not for functionality.   If money is the issue, offer a cheaper location that will fit in her budget for the Saturday. But a rehearsal without the bridal party is silly.

As for the shower, let Future Mother-In-Law plan her shower and you attend.  If your family can’t make it, do another with them in the other town.  You could also recommend locations at the halfway point to Future Mother-In-Law.

Please don’t stress too much about it.  I try to tell myself that when people are so passionate about the way things are done it’s because they really care about it.  In Future Mother-In-Law eyes you’re taking her awesome baby boy, so she wants to get some things her way before he’s yours forever….You’re still on the winning end of the deal because you get the groom 😉

 

Post # 9
Member
599 posts
Busy bee

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mwsrfrgirl:  Deep breaths! When she’s heinous to you in front of others, it’ll show them her true colours and people will start to ignore her. I agree – kill her with kindness.  Just smile and nod and think all the things you wish you could say. 

My Mother-In-Law is usually awesome, but she’s hurt my feelings on occasion and I try to just let it go. 

Post # 10
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that about the relationship between your Fiance and Future Mother-In-Law and you. But at least you and your Fiance are on the same page when it comes to your Future Mother-In-Law and that doesn’t cause a rift between the 2 of you. 

Agree with PP, kill her with kindness… one day that woman will wake up and realize she’d rather have you both in her life than to be lonely her way. Mom’s are only human, sure they might be selfish and demanding but I like to believe that they want the best for their children (their approach is just sometimes off mark)

Post # 12
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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mwsrfrgirl:  I can sympathize!! My FI’s grandmother is pretty vocal about what she thinks we need to do. When peple aren’t paying for the wedding they shouldn’t be so demanding, suggestions are nice, but opinionated demands are unnecessary. Your wedding will be here before you know it and hopefully with the holiday seasons coming up they’ll be a little more occupied! Good luck!

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