(Closed) FMIL Dropped the ball and its super stressing me out…. (long rant)

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: How would you go about this???
    forget about it and let FMIL handle it : (12 votes)
    43 %
    make FI handle it : (7 votes)
    25 %
    do it myself : (7 votes)
    25 %
    other advice.... : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I understand that this must be frustrating for you, but she still has a good amount of time to organize things in my opinion. Most restuarants have spaces for parties of over 20 and will accomodate larger parties easily. I wouldn’t worry about it just yet. I think if you try and take over you might hurt her feelings, which isn’t realy worth it in the end. I would say if you’re a month out and she still has nothing I might start getting antsy. You have a lot going on, try not to worry about it too much. 🙂

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Contact FMIL- tell her you know she has a lot of other things on her plate with the remodel, but it would take a load of stress off of you if she could get the rehearsal dinner taken care of by a certain date- end of the month should be good.

    Nobody wants a stressed out bride, so this may be the kick she needs.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    This would drive me nuts.  You have less than three months and you need to book someplace for a large group on a Saturday night in a metro area.

    I’d do it myself.  If she was really interested in helping she’d have done it by now.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3121 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I agree that she still has time, but she needs to at least have a restaurant space reserved!  I would e-mail to tell her you took care of the block because people were asking and ask her how the Rehearsal Dinner is going.  When she realizes that she has NOTHING to report back, she’ll go into panic mode. 

    Honestly, if nothing happens past that, you have a choice.  You can take it on and be resentful, or understand that if it blows, it’s a reflection on THEM.  Everyone knows that’s typically the grooms family.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1488 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    You guys still have plenty of time, don’t stress. Honestly, it is not that hard or time consuming to book a hotel block. As far as the Rehearsal Dinner goes, we booked ours maybe 2 months in advance. Might have been less time actually. You’ll be fine.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Let her figure it out, we didn’t book our Rehearsal Dinner restaurant until the week of our wedding LOL – I know that is extreme but she really does have plenty of time.  If you are a month out and there are no plans then you may want to start nagging.

    Post # 9
    Member
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    That sounds super stressful; I don’t think you’re being crazy! I don’t think 3 months isn’t enough time to schedule the Rehearsal Dinner, but that’s only if your Future Mother-In-Law gets on the ball. I suggest talking with Fiance again, but focusing on creating a practical plan to make everyone happy. Maybe suggest that Fiance talk with Future Mother-In-Law and explain that you two want/need to have X,Y,&Z planned for the Rehearsal Dinner by a certain date (a location, guest list, etc). Have him gently offer to help her out if she’s feeling overwhelmed with her other projects (the remodel).

    Honestly, I don’t think she is “pushing it to the side”. She probably feels like she has plenty of time and/or may be feeling overwhelmed with planning a big dinner – especially if she likes to do things in person. If she tells your Fiance that she has it all under control, give her another month or so to work on it. I’d say at 2 months out, if she still doesn’t have anything planned, then I’d think about “taking over”.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1695 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    @Murphymcnasty:  This happened to me.  My in-laws said they would take care of the rehearsal dinner.  ‘Cept two really important things…they planned a bbq dinner during lent on a Friday and we’re Catholic and getting married in a Catholic Church…and they planned it in a bar and neither my husband or I drink.  So husband called them and calmly explained that many of our guests (us included) are Catholic and would need a non-meat option and honestly, we didn’t even stress the bar issue.  Well at that point they just told us they would give us the money and we would have to plan it ourselves.  A week before the wedding. 

    So I feel your pain.  I just think you have to prepare yourself for the worst and  hope for the best!  Good luck!

    Post # 12
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @Murphymcnasty:  You were kind of in a no-win situation here.  Someone was going to be stressed out and hurt.  

    This would drive me nuts too, but that’s because I’m a planner and a bit of a control freak.  Here’s the thing: she’s the host of the Rehearsal Dinner.  It’s all her problem.  I’d step away from this completely.  I think that it was a good idea for you to book the hotel block now (we had problems with ours and were really glad that we did it months in advance) because that probably needed to be done, especially if you’re in a larger city.  In our case, people had to book their rooms 1 month in advance in order to get the special rate.  It was $100 off, so we needed to jump early.

    If you see it from her side: she thinks she has time, so she has time.  If she’s the host, she’s responsible.  It’s her butt on the line if it doesn’t work, not yours.  I know it’s hard, but you have a lot of other stuff to worry about and I would just let this one go.  

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