(Closed) FMIL E-Ring Drama

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
@ladychatterley:  I know it’s hard to sit there and take it (I also have a Mother-In-Law with lots of opinions on everything), but just smile, be “gracious,” thank her for all of her  wonderful  advice, and  flash that ringHehe ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 18
Member
7635 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@ladychatterley:  What, so Fiance says nothing? If so, it’s time for him to grow a pair of testicles and start telling her to shut up (politely). It’s one thing for him to let his mom trash talk him if that’s what he wants, but he needs to stand up for his lady (you).

Tell him that if he doesn’t shut her down, then you will. (Like you said, firmly but politely; perhaps using the phrases I or others have suggested, or some of your own).

Post # 19
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

XD I wouldn’t change my e-ring for someone I liked, never mind an interfereing and unpleasant in-law! That sounds like something my inlaws would say if they knew I had a moissy. They’re mad enough with their assumption that it’s diamond but for all I know they assume it’s cut glass when they talk about me, I don’t know and I don’t care! 

I would just smile and say “If it’s just a regular old ring it shouldn’t bother you then :)” She obviously does think it’s a real engagement or she wouldn’t be flapping her trap over it ๐Ÿ˜‰ I’d say you and Fiance need a unified front that she doesn’t get to speak to you like that but I haven’t got there myself after 7months of marraige and 8 years together. We don’t see them though. Perhaps spend less time around her and give her chance to realise that she won’t get time with her grandchildren if she’s driven her son and daughter-in-law away. (Incidentally there are no rights for grandparents unless the parents are incapable, sad as that may be in some cases. My dad’s horrible Father tried to sue for the right to see baby me.)

Post # 20
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would just ignore her and encourage your Fiance to do the same when she starts making negative comments. She is only doing it to get a reaction from you. If you like the thought of a non-diamond ring and so does your fiancé then that’s all that matters. 

Post # 21
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Tell her to eff off. That always works for me. lol!

Actually, I +1 what Regina said! ๐Ÿ˜€ 

Post # 22
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

“An engagement ring is a ring indicating that the person wearing it is engaged to be married, especially in Western cultures. In the United KingdomIreland and North America, engagement rings are traditionally worn only by women, and rings can feature diamonds or other gemstones. In other cultures men and women wear matching rings. In some cultures, engagement rings are also used as wedding rings.”

 

Print this Wikipedia definition if an engagement ring and give it to her. Highlight “can feature diamonds or other gemstones.” NOT MUST. Otherwise hopefully she’ll back off after its finished and you’re wearing it. Best if luck Hun!

Post # 23
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t stand for this. If your FI’s not going to stand up to her I wouldn’t spend time around her. 

Post # 24
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

That women is crazy! Girl get the ring you want and love who cares what she wants its your ring not hers!!

Post # 25
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Someone truly that cantankerous (and sh*t stirring) may have a personality disorder.  In such a case, reasoning with her or telling her off will simply feed her rage and hatred. 

If she’s as ghastly as she sounds, it’s better just to avoid her.

Post # 26
Member
5098 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@ladychatterley:  She sounds like my grandmother……everyone around her has been conditioned to behave and treat her with kid gloves. If she doesn’t get her own way she gets into a big hissy with lots of tantrums, drama and antics!!… but underneath all the drama she is actually quite cool, calm and collected.  She is only hyping up the antics to control and coerce her family into behaving the way she wants them to. Does that sound like her at all?

 

Anyway from what you have posted… get the ring you love because your Future Mother-In-Law is the kind of person who will always find something to say to you that is offensive and nasty!

 

 

 

This is how my mum has dealt with my grandmother (her MIL)…it works and hopefully it could work with your Future Mother-In-Law

 

 

 

1. When she crosses the line and says something unacceptable… my mum ignores it or answer her back calmly without any emotion.(sh is looking to enter a game and you being emotional signals to her that she has won!)

 

 

 

2. My mum (sister’s and I) agree with whatever insulting, rude offensive thing my grandmother is saying about us…it kind of takes the wind out of her sails and she doesn’t know where to go from there….

 

 

 

3. Withdraw from the relationship and use whatever tools at your disposal (eg grand-kids, Christmas dinner,  your wedding). She will get the picture that she has over stepped the mark. She will behave better for a while because she is the kind of person who would hate to miss out on things. Your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want you to marry her son…but I’m sure she would hate to miss out on the wedding day!

 

 

 

You will probably have to keep repeating these steps over and over again during your marriage because people like your  Future Mother-In-Law are a little slow to get with the program!

 

 

 

I don’t usually recommend behaving this way but sometimes that is the only way to deal with manipulative and not so nice family members.

 

good luck….I hope you slay the dragon or at least keep it confined to its cave!Laughing

 

 

 

Post # 27
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

1. Your Future Mother-In-Law is a B

2. I have owned a lot of amethyst including rings and it is not a stone I would use for an e-ring due to durability. My pieces have held up but it is light/heat sensitive and I now use those pieces as stand ins. We went with a purple alexandrite color change sapphire(all purples shift but not usually to this degree) for durability in my e-ring.

3. If you love this ring that is what matters. Not what Future Mother-In-Law thinks.

4.MY husband and I were engaged while the ring was being set and kept it very quiet outside of our closest friends and closest family. Engagement is the agreement/planning to get married nothing else. A ring is a thing and a symbol nothing more.

 

Post # 28
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@ladychatterley:  

No you don’t.  You don’t have to sit there and take being dissrespected.  You can behave towards her with politeness without sacrificing your self-respect.  You stick with the ring you wanted.  None of this is really about your choice of ring.  It’s about her own issues  that she doesn’t want her son to get married.

Post # 29
Member
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@ladychatterley:  she’s a loon – try to ignore her and limit your contact with her! 

my dad proposed without a ring – and my mum happily accepted and they bought one about 3 months later. they were engaged without a ring at all, and are celebrating their thirtieth anniversary this summer.

your mil is an idiot if she thinks the only ‘real’ engagements are ones with diamond rings – all around the world, millions of people get engaged and married every year without a diamond ring! congrats on your dream ring ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 30
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@ladychatterley:  Ignore her. Once she sees that gorgeous ring on your finger she’ll have to shut up and deal with it. And if not–I like what PP said about printing out the Wikipedia article! Also, your Fiance needs to say something!!

also….Yay purple!!! I don’t have an amethyst, but I’m rocking a purple e-ring as well (sapphire), and I looooove it! And, I’ve gotten lots of compliments on it. People think diamond is the standard, but when they see you proudly wearing a gorgeous gemstone, they’ll see it’s beauty too!

I know amethyst isn’t supposed to be quite as durable long term, but I have an amethyst RHR that I’ve worn every day for over 7 years and it’s still in excellent condition. It’s a smaller stone, but it’s still held up quite well to every day wear.

Post # 31
Member
3099 posts
Sugar bee

@ladychatterley:  That’s awful!  But it seems to be indicative of something greater than just your choice in rings.  Perhaps she’s really just against your marriage for some reason?  My Mother-In-Law was being acting very similiarly in the month leading up to my wedding.  I was very upset, but in the end, I AM her DIL and she got over it!  You have to forgive and forget (I guess I forgave but I will NEVER forget her telling DH not to marry me).  Stick with your gemstone and ignore her.  If your Fiance gets caught up in her wishes (she is his mother after all), then you could consider a Moissanite in order to stick with your budget while still wearing a clear stone.  I’m sorry your Future Mother-In-Law is a B!  Stay strong!

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