(Closed) FMIL Frustration: one waiting bee’s vent

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

When she brings it up again, just say “Thanks for looking, but we’re not even engaged yet.  Let’s not put the cart before the horse.” Then when she persists (because it sounds like she will) you can still be firm and say “We appreciate your input, but those venues aren’t really what I’ve had in mind.  No offense, but I’ve been dreaming of this day my whole life and we’re thinking more of having it ________________________ .”

 

If these don’t work…your SO needs to step up and deal with his mother! 

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t start off on a bad foot! Wait. Then, if need be, (and I’m sure it will be needed by the sounds of her — I have a siimilar MIL) ask your future fiance to speak with her!

I also have to comment on her idea that your BF`s exs are all “witches”. You are right to be wary of that. Same situation here. And guess what? I’ve recently been added to the witch list, lol. (not funny, but it kinda is).

So yes, wait. And don’t give in to her wedding demands unless you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend are ok with her suggestions.

Post # 6
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Defintely tell her you had other ideas you wanted to explore and stick to that when the time comes.

Post # 7
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Maybe you can kindly say “thanks but no thanks” She seems really nice as you said but maybe you can give her a specific job to do for the wedding? Like say… planning a bridal shower or reception dinner. or possibly picking out small items for the wedding like the guest book or ring pillow? I mean if she’s eager to help then let her. 

Post # 8
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

well you arent engaged yet, so put off all talk of the wedding until then.

When you are engaged, ask your boy to deal with her! And give her SOMETHING to organise and take control of to distract her. my friend got her evil Mother-In-Law to organise the engagement party, while they did the wedding and it was planned before the Mother-In-Law knew it !

Post # 10
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@jackndiane:

Why is your fiance telling you all this? I mean, I would bothered by her statement. Does he think what she’s doing wouldn’t bother you?

Post # 12
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@jackndiane:

Complete sense! That’s exactly what I am thinking. So, ok, he may choose a cheaper setting. But why does he have to make a point of telling you that it was his mom’s idea and she’s doing the research, etc?

And the thing is, if you talk to him, his mom may find out and that’s when you start falling into the “witch” category as we talked about above. You can’t win!

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You and him both need to stand firm against his mom. This is your ring, your wedding, and she’s not paying for any of it. Opinions are nice, but in the end, her say only counts as much as you let it. Remind her that you appreciate her input, but its your decision

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