(Closed) FMIL Guilt Trip on FI- Very Frustrated

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think the best thing to do is to be supportive of your Fiance.  This seems like an issue he needs to handle.  I know that’s probably really frustrating, but it’s his mom, and unless you want an all out war with her, I think it’s best that he handle it.  Of course, if she were to address you directly, you can firmly tell her what’s going on “I’m sorry, but we’ve already made plans,” etc.  

Post # 4
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that your Fiance needs to fight this battle.  Are they aware that you already cancelled plans with your family once to accomodate them?  If not, I would have your Fiance point that out.  She needs to know that her son is getting married and joining a new family now and he will have to split his time.  It’s best she start getting used to it now!

Post # 5
624 posts
Busy bee

Yes, let your Darling Husband handle his mom.  Not to sound harsh (and I’m basing this on I have seen her get mad at him many times for very little things and the guilt trips are unbelievable.) but she may keep doing this because he has given in in the past.  Again, I don’t know the history but if her giving you a guilt trip makes him do what she wants, he is the only one that can stop this and you kind of have a Fiance problem.  Because for her, it is working!  So he needs to stop giving in and stop making it work for her.

Even if he doesn’t give in, she won’t change over night.  You’ll still get the blame, she’ll still do guilt trips but you just have to ignore them.  And they will get crazy!  Just don’t give in.  Treat her like you would a 2 year old.

Post # 6
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t have any words of advice, but I’m very sorry you have to deal with this! FMILs can be so nasty sometimes.

Post # 7
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Be as supportive to your Fiance as you possibly can.  Your Future Mother-In-Law is obviously worried she’s “losing” her son.  But, I think as long as you two can keep a unified focus and state your plans (and understand that she will be disappointed from time to time) it will get easier (and hopefully her outbursts are minimized).

There will be times you’ll have to pick one family over the other – but, as long as you and Fiance are ok with what you choose, that’s really what’s most important.

Post # 9
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law is like this.  She loses her mind when Fiance does stuff with my family.  I have no advice cause I’m angry about it myself.  ((HUGS))))

Post # 10
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

@PinkPinstripes: How thoughtful of her!  In that case it’s time for tough love.  She needs to know that she is not the only priority in your lives and that you are not at her beck and call.  He has to put his foot down, say no, and have it be the end of the discussion.  Like the pervious poster said she’ll never stop this behaviour if it keeps working for her.

Post # 11
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@PinkPinstripes: your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like my mom. She guilt trips us into doing things with them constantly and insists that we shouldn’t see my in laws. It’s beyond frustrating. I unfortunately don’t have any advice, but I know how you feel and wanted to offer some support and sympathy!

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