(Closed) FMIL Hair/Makeup Drama

posted 6 years ago in Beauty
  • poll: Should I allow my FMIL to get her hair/makeup done with us?
    Yes : (31 votes)
    84 %
    No : (6 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Personally, I think for the sake of keeping peace, I would let her get her hair and makeup done with you ladies. However, I would probably discreetly tell the MUA and your coordinator (if you have one) that she can be a little challenging (or some other tactful way of phrasing it) and see if they can schedule her in a place/time where it minimizes your contact with her and thus minimizes stress and tension. I think since your mother will be there, it will be difficult to exclude Future Mother-In-Law without being blatantly obvious that you don’t want her there. It will be much easier to minimize contact with the help of others. I’m sure this isn’t the first time your MUA and your coordinator had to deal with challenging dynamics in the bridal party.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3081 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Does she have a room at the hotel? What if you sent the hair/makeup person to her room for her stuff and then had the stylists come to yours afterwards to do your mom’s and MOH’s?

    Post # 5
    Member
    3471 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I would tell her the stylist doesn’t have the time to add another person, but you’d be happy to recommend someone else– it’s your wedding, not her’s, she needs to remember that. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    470 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    id let mine its a great way to bond with her she is you in law after all 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4193 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    This is a tough one. My two MOHs and I are getting ours done at a salon, and I wouldn’t want my Future Mother-In-Law there. She’s a great lady, but I know she would stress me out. (We should do an e-mail swap, sounds like our Future Mother-In-Law are VERY similar!) 

    It sounds like she wants to be closer than you two are (also sounds familiar.) I assume you don’t want her there when you’re getting dressed, etc.- would it help to have hers done first or last? Are you in a suite, or can you say “not enough room for everyone, they’d have to come to your room.”

    Post # 8
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would say that you’ve worked the schedule out for the three of you to have your hair done, 

    if it would work out for the stylist’s schedule that for her to have her hair done it would have to be before your already scheduled time at her room/ house.

    or

    just say that the stylist can’t get there any earlier.

     

    I am going to ask my bridesmaid, who is my fiance’s sister, to be in charge of keeping her mother away from me while we are getting ready and making sure she doesn’t drink too much wine.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2082 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @jackieemma86:  I would go ahead and plan your wedding as elaborate as you wish, since your family is paying for it. You can let her know you hear her wedding suggestions but you don’t have to take them.

    However, as far as the hair goes, I think you should include her. I know that you don’t want to but I believe that if you don’t it’ll only cause future problems. She will probably feel left out since your mother and maid of honor are also having their hair done with you. I think she wants to be a part but doesn’t know how to exactly. Some people just don’t have social grace. Maybe you can ask her for help with certain things so she feels like she is a part? Since you are marrying her son, she’ll likely be around for a while, so it’s best to at least include her in the hair and make up.

    Post # 10
    Member
    5405 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Is there a way you can include her but keep the contact to a minimum? Can she go last when you will be getting dressed and ready? Or if you have a suite could she be in a different room somehow? I think excluding her will only result in hurt feelings. BUT it’s your wedding so if you think it would really really bother you to have her there, go ahead and say the stylist doesn’t have enough time because she can’t come any earlier. If you do decide to do that, make sure it’s worth it to you, and be prepared for backlash. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m sorry that you’re construing her attempts to be involved in the wedding as personal attacks, but I think that it would be inappropriate for you to tell her that she can’t use your stylist (unless, of course, the stylist is booked and can’t add that time on). She asked what salon you were going to – if you were going to a salon, and she made an appointment there, would you be as upset?

    You’ll be so busy on your wedding day, and you don’t need to pay attention to her if you don’t want to. It sounds like she’s just interested in getting her hair and makeup done with everyone else and I can’t think of one good reason for you to not include her. I hope your relationship progresses with your Future Mother-In-Law after you get married.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Politely tell her that the MUA will be doing her in her own room because of space considerations. Your inlaws shouldn’t be hanging out with you before the ceremony anyway- they should be seeing their families and the groom. 

    I don’t understand everyone squawking that she should include her Future Mother-In-Law at the expense of er stress levels. She will be preparing to go down the aisle. I will only want my closest friends (BMs) my mom with me. There will be loads of people I will be “leaving out” of pre-ceremony prep but you know what? I will be spending the rest of the evening with everyone, including people who stress me out. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    My Future Mother-In-Law did the same thing.  I was gonna treat my mom for the hair and makeup. My mom never asked for any professional service done on her.  I offered.  None of my girls are having professional service.  And it’s customary for the groom’s mom to find her own since we are doing a lot of traditions at the bride’s home in the morning.

    My Future Mother-In-Law (due to can’t find one or didn’t bother to find one other than talk to ONE person at Nordstrom, plus she had no clue she has to pay extra for someone to go to her house early in the morning to get this done) kept asking me if I could sign her up on my stylist.  I never offered…but she asked, so can’t say no.  She even wanted to come over to my mom’s house that morning while we have all the traditions going on with everybody and get her hair/makeup done there!

    So I arranged to pay extra to have my stylist go to her house instead after we are done to avoid her being at our place in the morning.  I personally feel like it’s my time with my family.  It’s my mom’s time with me. 

    I get along with Mother-In-Law OK but she stress me out at times. If money allows, I would try to see if you can arrange someone else to do it for your Future Mother-In-Law somewhere else.  If she only want someone to do the hair/makeup, not because she wanted to see you before the ceremony, you can certainly arrange one for her.  That way you won’t have to see her beforehand. 

    The topic ‘FMIL Hair/Makeup Drama’ is closed to new replies.

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