(Closed) FMIL has gone off the deep end

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would have your fiancé call her directly, immediately and sort it out. It’s easy to hide behind emails.

Post # 5
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BoiledPNut:  Yikes!  I’ve learned through this wedding planning process that wedding planning brings out the crazy in people.  Good luck love! :/ Talk to your Fiance about it and have him talk to her. She shouldn’t be emailing like that.  It is you and your Fiance decision/wedding

Post # 7
13294 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to settle this, and settle it quickly.  It sounds like it turned really ugly, and you need to fix it before it tarnishes your wedding for you and for your Future In-Laws.  However, if she’s footing the bill for the wedding, then she does get a say in the guest list.  It’s unfortunate that everything went down this way, but I think that there’s a way to fix it.  Can you compromise that you’ll invite family and not her VA friends? 

Post # 8
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

ouch! Family dynamics are absolutely the worst part about wedding planning! I would say if this is something your Fiance is adamant about hand it over to him and have him call his mom right now before she has any more time to stew about it and get more crazy ideas. I know if I’m ticked off I’ll just dwell on it and it makes the problem much worse in my mind and I’m more apt to blow up (even though seems like she already has).



Post # 10
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Is it possible to pay for the rehearsal dinner yourselves so she can’t say “Well I’m paying for it so I get to do what I want”? Even if it means just a pizza dinner or a big batch of chili or something?! It sounds like far more headache than it’s worth!

Post # 11
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@bakerella:  I agree. She probably feels like since she is paying she should have a say.

Post # 12
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Since she’s paying she DOES have a say, and for so few people I find it odd that he doesn’t want them all there. It isn’t like it will be 100,so what’s the big deal? Are they travelling to be there the night before so will be there anyway? I’d think twice if it was a huge crowd, but I’d include them too.

Post # 13
13294 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BoiledPNut:  Oh, I misunderstood your post when you said she’s writing a check; that sounded to me like she was paying.  In her email, she said she was going to write you a check to do whatever you want, so you can see where that confusion from me (and other Bees) is comin from.

Honestly, you need to weigh your options.  Is it worth having this huge feud with your in-laws, or is it worth just having the extra people at your rehersal dinner?  It seems like she wants to have an inclusive rehersal dinner for your Out of Town guests (I’m in the same situation, btw, with most of my guests traveling).  But my advice remains – you need to address this with your Future Mother-In-Law and your Fiance before it gets even worse.

Post # 14
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you’re having a small wedding that everyone has to travel to attend, I think it’s rude NOT to include everyone at the rehearsal dinner.  “Thanks for driving 100 miles, Aunt Matilda!  Sorry, you’re on you’re own for dinner tonight while the rest of us are at the rehersal dinner.”  “Hey, Uncle Joe!  Glad you were able to fly in!  Sorry, you’re not invited to the rehersal dinner.  Sure hope you got us a nice wedding gift, though!”  

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