Post # 1
hi bees. This is a bit of a rant and a bit of me needing to be talked down from the ledge. As some of you may know, I got engaged a few days ago and have flashed the ring over any board I can find.
FH popped the question on a long road trip to visit his family (several different stops over 2 weeks) and just before we arrived to see his parents. They live in a different part of the country and we rarely see them. They did not act at all excited and murmured things about being “just surprised” while my family back home was ecstatic but not here to celebrate. This morning the mom implied that she wasn’t excited because she has seen me pinning rings on Pinterest and “knew I’d been putting the pressure on” when that wasnt what FH wanted. It really hit a nerve that that was her immediate conclusion and it’s knawing away at me that there could be a grain of truth in it.
We’ve been talking about getting married for a while and have been together over 2 years now. That’s mostly why I was pinning rings! He wanted concrete ideas/examples of what I like. He is a very laid back guy so I am definitely the one more outwardly excited about tying the knot. And probably talked about it way too much.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I was so excited and here I am only 4 days into my engagement and I sort of feel like the high has been snatched away from me. Someone please tell me Future Mother-In-Law is being sort of petty and/or rude? She barely knows us as a couple having seen her periodically over the course of our relationship. I wish she has kept it to herself and I could have lived with the slight hurt of her not being pumped to have me join the family.
I will be so happy to get home to family and friends. I hope they can lift me back up because I’m feeling pretty crappy and I don’t want to drag FH down with me.
Post # 2
She’s being petty and rude. What a way to welcome your DIL sheesh!
Enjoy your engagement and let it roll off your back.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
When I got engaged I called my Mom. Her reaction was “well….your high school sweetheart gave you a promise ring…are you sure this isn’t the same thing” *facepalm* yes Mom I’m frigging sure! She always got pleasure out of ‘taking the wind out of my sails’. Another example…when I got accepted to my dream college she refused to hug me, looked at me deadpan and went “ok…” Or when I found out my SIL was pregnant I called her to tell her I was going to be an aunt. She said “well…you mean [DH] is going to be an uncle…YOU have no relation to this baby…”
My point is that some people are just cunts like that.
Post # 4
Nothing has been “snatched away” from you.
It is SHE who has lost, big time, and I hope she will soon realize and figure out how to earn your trust and affection again. You may or may not choose to allow her a second chance, but whatever you do, you’re RIGHT.
My Mother-In-Law was actually blatantly selfish, and obscenely bizarre about expressing it. I learned very quickly that I had no tools that would earn her peace, and upon being attacked one too many times (maybe when my Fiance bought her a dishwasher instead of a diamond ring when I got engaged and she threw a massive fit) I backed off and left her to her own miseries.
Don’t try. It is truly not worth your time.
Enjoy every minute of your life with Fiance, and live as far away from her as possible.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t take that. I would let her know that her son is certainly his own man, and she raised him to be his own man, and her comments she made to you really hurt your feelings. He was in no way pressured to do something he didn’t want to.
Let her know from the get go that you are not a wilting flower to that crap and she won’t do it again.
Post # 6
She MIGHT not do it again, or she may ramp it up. Better to regard and treat her like the pathetic nothing she is, IMO.
Neither ignoring nor engaging will change a crumb to a wedding cake.
Post # 7
First of all, massive congrats to you and your new FI!
and, what a horrid woman! That’s an awful thing to say, does your Fiance know she made that remark? What was his reaction?
When you say she saw you pinning – is that because it is a public board? Maybe things like this are better kept on private boards so they remain between you and your Fiance.
Post # 8
That was totally rude of her. When I told my guy about my pinterest page (we’re not egaged yet) he said, “of course! all girls have a ring page.” Granted, he’s definitely generalizing, but pinning rings is not an unusual thing AT ALL. That doesn’t pressure guys AT ALL.
Also, whether there was “pressure” or not, your amazing FH chose to propose. He clearly planned it, put thought into it, and wanted it. He wants to marry you. His mom is being mean for no reason.
Post # 9
So she’s stalking your Pinterest board so she can attack you as pressuring her son. How sweet.
I would realize she just told you who she is and its not pretty. But the most important thing is ask your Fiance if he felt that way and expressed it to her. If not, you have nothing to worry about except for a nasty Mother-In-Law.
The biggest challenge there is finding out if your Fi has your back. If he does, let her be and spend as little energy on her as possible.
Post # 10
Firstly congratulations! Now go home and bask in the excitement and happiness of your family and keep your Mother-In-Law on a need to know basis on everything including wedding plans she’s earned it.
Post # 11
is right! She’s stalking your boards!
So I’d start pinning “problematic mil” stuff onto that board. And “when my husband is mad at his mother…”, “when his mother can’t let go”, “when his mother thinks he’s still a little boy”
Mwa ha ha ha.
And then kill her with kindness.
Post # 12
OH she has already vetoed my very vague wedding timeline. “That won’t work for her” because her work is seasonal. I’m a medical student and that’s my only time off soooo…. Yeah we’d like you to be there lady but I HAVE to be there and not working in a hospital so, recognize.
Post # 13
Congrats, i know the feeling of having someone say something rude to you when you’re just super excited.
Before I offer any advice, can you just elaborate on you’re relationship with her? Does she openly not like you? Or?
Post # 14
she has never openly disliked me. We have literally met only a few times but she’s on my Facebook liking up a storm. We chat casually when she calls Fiance. We are in absolutely no way close but she has always been friendly. there was never anything to predict this sort of reaction