(Closed) FMIL has no boundaries!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Get your guy to move out and get some distance. Most people shouldn’t live with their parents after a certain age or it put a strain on the relationship. I think if both of you can get some distance from her it’s help a ton.

Post # 4
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It doesn’t seem like you’re the one being difficult it seems like she has a problem with how you do things in general that involve her son, her baby boy. 

When my FI’s mother was still alive she wasn’t as brasin as your Future Mother-In-Law is being but she would make off the shoulder comments like, “He’s my baby, you’ll have a hard time taking him away from me.” I learned that it was about being polite in her company, having an open line of communication with her, listening to her, and trying to include her in small aspects of our lives, we wouldn’t bring her anywhere but we would sit and tell her about things we’ve done together or things we will be doing soon together. This seemed to quiet his mother down, I’d like to think it would work for you…..but…..

I don’t know, it seems there will be times where she will still say snarky comments, and you may never please her but maybe you can quiet her down a bit….*wishful thinking* Remember that as long as you do what you can to try and please her then you’re the one in the clear, you’re the one who does not have to answer to her ridiculous demands and you’ll have people stand by you when they see you are trying to make an effort with her and she ends up still being a brat to you. 

Good luck~

Post # 5
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

His mom then freaks out and claims that she doesnt like me becuase we hid the fact that we stopped at the beach house. she also said that I should’ve asked for permission before taking the trip and even cosidering stopping anywhere but the beach because thats what we told her we were going.

…Assuming he’s over the age of 17, what the fuck?

Post # 8
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@MissMeeksy:  Honestly, it’s not your place to bring this up to her. This is your FI’s job.

She’s at a time when the “empty nest syndrome” is creeping up on her. She is used to treating him like a child, because that’s what he’s been for most of his life. He’s a new adult, and this is new to her too. He’s going to have to teach her boundaries, and enforce them in his new adulthood. It’s going to be painfully annoying at first while she adjusts to what he is willing to accept, and what he will not tolerate from her. Just be supportive of him as he tries to do this, and try to be patient.

I’d have a chat with him about it though to make sure you guys are on the same page in expectations.

Until he moves out though, it’s going to be rough. She will still see him as a child as long as she is providing the roof over his head.

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