(Closed) Fmil has no involvement…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Leonard2B:  I’m with you.  My Future Mother-In-Law just goes along with the flow, and hasn’t once offered any suggestions or help.  Her excuse is that my Fiance and I know what we’re doing and she’s proud of us – that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be involved!

Post # 4
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does she have any daughters of her own? My Future Mother-In-Law does not and she sometimes has a difficult time understanding when to “butt in” and when to let me be, so maybe that has something to do with it?

Post # 5
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Mine was the same way. She went along to help pick out my dress, but that was it. She never had an opinion on anything or put her 2 cents in until like the week before the wedding. It drove me nuts!

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Leonard2B: My ILs are making a pretty big contribution towards our wedding (they are splitting the costs of venue + food with my parents, we are paying the rest) so we are very greatful. My Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t really have interest in the details but I completely understand why – my FI’s brother is having a baby next month so she is extremely excited over her first grandchild. Babies trump weddings ๐Ÿ™‚ There are a couple of other reasons as well but the important thing to me is that my own mother is totally into all the little details and really just the most perfect MOB ever ๐Ÿ™‚

If you read through some of the nightmares bees go through with FMILs, you’ll see that indifference isn’t so bad ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

I think its pretty common for the MOG’s to stay back and let the bride plan with her Mom. Seems like they feel like they are intruding somewhat, and will only get involved if asked. I’ve just watched it in my own family with my sister and SIL…they didn’t feel ‘wanted’ in the planning, so just took over the RD’s.

Post # 9
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law is the same way. She has never REALLY liked me though so it’s not a huge surprise. When Fiance told her she was like “well son… I know you love csperry2… aren’t you a little young?” HAHA! And yes… we are a little young (FI is 24). She has been very nice, though, when she has been in town.

Her and Future Father-In-Law are paying for the rehearsal dinner, though, and with that… she has been a complete dictator! She booked a venue without talking to anyone (including FFIL) that is too small (she knew how many people we would have to invite), in a terribly location and INCREDIBLY expensive.

Weird situation… lol!

You’re not alone.

Post # 10
Member
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law has been supportive.  She also gave me a lot of stuff from her wedding to FI’s step dad about 10 years ago…  that was enough help for me!  We go two different directions in what we want, so I’m glad she hasn’t really forced herself into the planning process.  

Post # 11
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

lucky ๐Ÿ˜‰ I see how frustrating that could be, but seriously… no involvement isn’t really a bad thing, it’s probably just her trying NOT to be that crazy Mother-In-Law. 

Post # 12
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Mine was the same way.  Our wedding was the sixth of her childrens weddings, so I felt like she’d been through it and wasn’t nearly as excited as my mom.  She also lives 12 hours away.  It bothered my a bit that his family didn’t seem all that excited, but I would rather it this way than an overbearing and annoying mil.

Post # 13
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Mine is not really involved.  She lives in another state anyway, but my Fiance only talks to her a few times a year.  It doesn’t really bother me all that much.  Like a PP poster said, I’d rather it be like this way.  My ex-husband’s mother was crazy.

Post # 14
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

mine isn’t really involved. we have a bit of a language barrier- she speaks mostly spanish and while i can speak spanish, i’m not very confident with it (tho i understand it very well). and i really haven’t been around her enough to get into wedding details- my fiance is stationed about 5 hours away from our hometown, so i only see him/his family about once a month. i think he does keep her in the loop as to what’s going on (she’s not happy about the fact that we’re trying to keep the number of children in attendance as low as possible) and we did show her our invitation samples (she didn’t love the one we chose), but for the most part it’s just me, my fiance and my mom planning everything. his parents aren’t paying for anything either, so we haven’t felt the need to run every decision passed them (and i don’t mean that as harsh as it may sound).

my fiance has 4 sisters and 3 of them are married already, so i think his mom has already experienced the whole wedding planning dealio. i’m the only girl in my family, so this may be the only time mom gets to be so involved in planning her child’s wedding.

Post # 15
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

My Future Mother-In-Law was really, seemingly apathetic about the whole thing for the first little while.  Lately, she’s been really into talking about the wedding and wanting to throw me showers and stuff.  It hurt my feelings a lot when she acted like she wasn’t interested much.  Now, she is full of suggestions and things.  So, maybe when it gets closer to time your Future Mother-In-Law will change?

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