Post # 1
So at this point, Fiance and I are trying our best to just take the “this is not our problem” route but I just needed to rant!
We’ve been engaged for a couple of years, and our wedding has been in the planning process for almost that long. Colors were picked out ages ago and we decided on a formal wedding ages ago. With this in mind, FI’s sister *just* picked out a dress (that doesn’t necessarily work with the wedding colors but whatever) and needs accessories including shoes. FI’s mom still needs the entire outfit including acessories and we are literally getting married this month! This wouldn’t too bad if Fiance were easygoing but they are both very particular, discerning people. In fact, Future Mother-In-Law went to a ton of stores this weekend, including DB, and didn’t like anything or didn’t feel confident in what’s on trend right now for MOG/MOB dresses. Fiance and I are now just hoping if Future Mother-In-Law finds a dress that it doesn’t clash with Future Sister-In-Law so family photos don’t have to be in B&W! In addition, Future Sister-In-Law is very particular about her hair/makeup and I already agreed that she can use my MUA that day as well but now, she has expressed concern that my MUA won’t be able to do a good job on her (again, very particular) and doesn’t seem to have other options as she doesn’t like the work at regular cosmetics counters either.
Any other bees with female Future In-Laws that left everything to the last minute?
Post # 3
I personally don’t give a damn what FI’s mom is wearing. She told Fiance she wasn’t coming JUST to try to upset him. I know she’s coming but she won’t be in any pics with me. She gets ONE with Fiance but that’s it and it won’t be in the album or anywhere near the inside of my house. Fiance can keep it in his car. I’m expecting her to show up in white but whatever happens to her if she does is not my problem. I’m going to smile and enjoy my day.
Post # 4
Yes… but it’s probably my fault.
My mom and Future Mother-In-Law both keep asking me what they should wear. I’ve told them both what my general expectations are (We’re outside, so something nice that won’t be too hot, and shoes that won’t sink in. They’ve seen my dress and the MOH’s dress and Fiance will be wearing a suit, so they should have an idea of general formality.)
I live 2,300+ miles away from the moms… I can’t go shopping with them. I just want them there and happy!
Post # 5
I agree with @lindseyl06: just smile and enjoy your day.
When we announced our engagement my Future Mother-In-Law asked me if there was a particular colour I wanted her to wear. I told her no (since we dont have a colour scheme) but I said “no black though” because in my culture, it’s not well seen to wear black at a wedding. Then this week I asked her if she bought her dress, she said no but she knows it will be a black dress so she is not too worried. Fiance is upset, since he knows I told her no black. But I decided not to care. We will look fabulous and if she doesnt want to get on board, that’s her problem.
Post # 6
This was my mom. I undertstand your frustration, but trust me when I say it’ll all work out and she will show up to your wedding in something to wear. You have too many things to worry about right now and do not need to worry about your Future Mother-In-Law getting dressed. And in regards to colors, my Mother-In-Law wore pink and my mother wore navy and I got some beautiful pictures and they are not in black and white.
My mother had a gown custom made and then decided she hated it. Went searching everywhere and ended up buying a dress from Nordstrom Rack a week before my wedding. She got her shoes and accesories too and looked gorgeous.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! Fiance is completely over it and if he hears any complaints about not being able to find x, y or z, he’s going to respond with “This is not our problem. You literally had more than a year to look.” I’m trying to get on board with that too.
My concern is that they won’t be happy with what they pick but are settling because they waited so long and everything is bought out. Then we don’t want to hear about it afterwards that they picked something they didn’t love but didn’t have a choice, etc. etc. etc. They both are not super confident with their body images, so it’s more than just a what to wear hurdle to clear but a “Does this hide all my supposed problem areas?” hurdle too. I joked with Fiance that each of them has expended more energy into their outfit than the bride and groom combined! We literally went with the first thing we picked for everything including the outfits and accesories.
Post # 8
It sucks that they procrastinated, but they’re adults and I’d hope that they’d be able to handle this on their own. Don’t stress about it – I’m sure you have bigger thins to handle right now!
Post # 9
i wasn’t too concerned what the mothers were wearing. my mom wore a dress that she already had in her closet. it was lovely. my step-mom surprised me and went out and got her dress as soon as i brought it up. my mil on the other hand was a bit more difficult. she took forever. we looked together at many stores and she kept pointing out some gorgeous dresses but she didn’t want to try them on. she didn’t want the typical mob/mog looking dress. she called them old lady dresses. well, she kept putting it off and putting it off and ended up with an old lady looking dress. i think it’s partly due to her body image insecurity. she looked fine. she was comfortable and looked like herself in it.
Post # 10
It doesn’t matter what she wears. The family picture isn’t the most important one . . . you’ll realize that once you get everything back. (wait, correction, the family picture won’t be the most important one to YOU, but it will be to HER (MIL and SIL)). Your most special pictures will be the ones of you and Darling Husband and all the wedding details. Don’t worry about what she wears, it’s just going to put unecessary stress and pressure on you. As for allowing your SIL to use your MUA, I strongly recommend AGAINST that! SIL will most likely not be satisfied and take up more than her allotted time getting her make up done, re-done, and re-touched. That means you run the risk of YOUR make up not getting done to the best of your MUA capability. Why does she need her make up done anyway? It’s not her wedding??? If they’re that picky, I wouldn’t allow them anywhere near you before the ceremony. It will be all talk about “how does this look?” “I don’t really like my hair/makeup that way” etc. etc. It will be one thing after another.
And a little heads up for when the pictures come back. . . don’t give them copies of everything. Pick out just a few that you want them to have. I made the mistake of gifting a copy of the CD to Mother-In-Law and whenever she shows the photos off to people she always flips through the ones of me and Darling Husband so quickly, but slows down and puases on each one of THEIR family. There was ONE photo she ordered from the photographer on professional print, and it was the picture of THEIR family taken before the ceremony (without me in it). If your IL’s are even a fraction of the narcissism that mine are, the day will be about them (in their eyes only of course). Keep them away from you until after the ceremony!
Post # 11
@TB_QT: Wow, thanks for the candid perspective! In hindsight, I realized that I probably shouldn’t have extended the offer to include her in the makeup session prior, but I think at that time I was in the whole “Let’s be nice” mood. Then only afterwards did I realize she was going to be this picky and particular. I definitely didn’t think she was going to seriously consider a trial! In addition, her general look is nothing like the ones in the MUA portfolio (but mine is, of course). I didn’t even think about the extra time it would take to “fix” her look. At this point though, my only hope is that she changes her mind.
I don’t think they are quite as narcissistic as your ILs but at random times during the planning process, it did seem like it was not just about the two of us but a full-on family affair.
Post # 12
I was looking on here for a thread just like this!! My Future Mother-In-Law is lovely and bought a few dresses and sent me pics. She’s taken care of. MY MOTHER AND SISTER….are killing me….my wedding is in 11 days. I sent my mother a very plain, short sleeved, cotton dress (beach wedding) in the wedding colors (she was saying since we are doing turquoise that she would wear her velour track suit pants..sooo). I sent her the dress months ago because she couldn’t find anything, they live far away from stores, etc etc. Suddenly, she wants a new one. My sister, who is my Maid/Matron of Honor, doesn’t have a dress. I sent her two, I bought one and my Bridesmaid or Best Man bought one. She didn’t like either or they didn’t fit right. She is now sending me pics of dresses from Goodwill that “aren’t in her size but they are only $7 and she can put a piece in them to fit”. But, seriously?!?! My wonderful Bridesmaid or Best Man found a few beachy dresses at Old Navy, long, short, ivory, embroidered, that go perfectly. She has purchased two for herself. My sister doesn’t like either of them and got huffy on the phone and told me to “Just send me a dress and I’ll pay you for it at the wedding!!!” Uh, yeah, we already did that. Twice.
I’m over it ladies!! Just a few more days til I’m sitting on the beach with a margarita.
Post # 13
My wedding is in a month and my Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have her dress either. I suggested we go shopping next week, however she is really going on the casual side and even though we are having a cocktail reception, the wedding itself isn’t like in the backyard–its at an art-gallery-looking building on the water.
Argggh. I feel your pain!
Post # 14
@MississippiQueen: WoW! One, glad my thread was what you were looking for! Two, that’s crazy that the Maid/Matron of Honor still doesn’t have an outfit and your wedding is so close. I don’t think we’ve sunk to the Goodwill or track suit level yet, but I’m sorry that you are dealing with that! I would think a beach wedding would be easy, especially since there are tons of pretty summer dresses out right now in all price points (not to mention you actually sent her some). Here’s to margaritas!