- 5 years ago
Hello bees, I hope I can get some opinions on this. My mother in law pretty much hates me. We are very nice to each other, so much so that I genuinely thought she approved of me and that I had “won her over”, so to speak, but that apparently is not the case.
She is definitely not my favorite human being. She is a hardcore Christian that thinks women should be submissive to their husbands; that somehow does not apply to herself or her daughter, but she constantly reminds my boyfriend that that is what he should be looking for in a woman and how I am not up to that standard. She tells him that he needs to influence me with his faith and “pull me over to God”. For the record, my boyfriend is Christian too, I’m pagan, and we get along just fine without trying to convert each other. She is very racist as well, against anyone with dark skin, gingers, asians… Basically, she’ll make up anything about any race in an excuse to hate people. She spends her husband’s money shopping and making up businesses that ultimately fail, just so she can have something to spend her time on. I really don’t get her, though.
She criticizes me for my weight that I put on juggling medical school and a job, yet she talks about how she likes how hard working and smart I am. I get it that she wants the best for her son, but it really hurts that she tells him to get someone thinner and prettier (oh, and less complex as well). She basically has said “you’ve had your fun, I get it that you wanted a girlfriend but now you should get more serious and look for someone better looking to serve you better as a wife”. We’re Mexican so that doesn’t help at all (And if it isn’t stupid enough being racist in general, how about being racist against your own race?). Oh and she’s also told him I will burn in hell if I don’t stop “living my life the way I do” and that I’m dragging him with me if he doesn’t dump me and repent. Sigh. The rest of his family absolutely loves me, loves having me around and talking, and I would sooo love to have them as an extended family in law, but his mother… Oh, goodness. He also won’t stand up for me when she tells him these things… Heck, he won’t even stand up for himself when it comes to them. I just kind of wish he’d tell them he likes me this way and to respect his decisions and respect me.
So anyway, we’ve always talked about how we would raise our children, how to have a peaceful married life if we ever did get married, etc. We were always ok. I’ve been having some trouble lately because he works waaay too much and my messages get seen and go unanswered, and I see him one a week tops. i can peibably deal with that… But he seems to be planning to propose, and his absence and the problems I have with his parents (the dad isn’t so bad, but then again not great either) are driving me crazy. Should I get out of the relationship before it’s too late? Is there a way I can finally get him to stand up for me? He won’t shut his mother out and I would never make him do so so please don’t suggest it. Any ideas? 🙁 I apologize for being all over the place, this makes me really scatterbrained.