(Closed) Fmil hates me and my wedding help

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Well my advice is not nice advice but unfortunately it has to be that way when dealing with a total bitch…. Sorry for the language I use…. 

But if she doesn’t want to be involved don’t let her be. Don’t tell her any information now until its booked and then only in passing as like “oh we booked this place for this date” no more asking her for opinions because you really don’t need to hear her crap and have to deal with this nastiness. 

Also as for invite list give her a max number of ppl she can invite or better yet don’t ask her and get your SO to write up his sides list, I’m sure he knows which of his family he wants there. 

And if you do talk about anything with her and she still tries to argue or give unwanted nasty opinions just reply with a polite ” oh that’s just not us for our wedding day and I don’t think we’ll be doing that” and take the more mature and higher path than her. 

Best of luck for all your planning, hopefully she pulls whatever stick is up her ass and stops acting like a total d-bag…. Again sorry for the namecalling language…

Post # 4
Member
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t talk wedding with her because it isn’t her wedding. If she isn’t paying then she doesn’t get a say, and that goes for the guest list as well.

Post # 5
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry you have to deal with that.  I agree that you should just stop sharing information with her.  You & your Fiance should plan the wedding YOU want and can afford.  The only way she gets a say is if she is paying. 

Post # 6
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Where’s your fiance in all of this? Is he aware of what his mother says to you – does it ever happen in front of him? It’s time to get a plan of action going for how you’re going to deal with her going forward. He needs to take the lead there and train her on how to treat you – unfortunately, this appears to have gone on for years now. He needs to be aware of every single misstep she makes. 

Don’t invite her to anything dealing with the wedding, or anything else in your life, ever again – at least not until she can at least behave in a civil manner toward you. But what matters most here is your Fiance. If he’s just going to make excuses for her, tell you to just ‘deal’ with it or accept her as she is – run the other way and don’t get married. 

I’ve dated men like that – who make no effort to protect you from toxicity – and it likely means nothing but a future divorce is in your future. In-laws are increasingly cited as reasons in divorce cases.

Minimizing your contact and exposure to such a spiteful person is a step toward divorce-proofing your marriage.

Post # 7
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsPadlock2B:  “But if she doesn’t want to be involved don’t let her be. Don’t tell her any information now until its booked and then only in passing as like “oh we booked this place for this date” no more asking her for opinions because you really don’t need to hear her crap and have to deal with this nastiness.”

I also think your Fiance needs to say something to her the next time she treats you this way in front of him, or he needs to have a private talk with her and tell her, that her behaviour is not acceptable!

Post # 8
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Echo.  Don’t involve her.

I am reminded of an old John Candy movie, “Only the Lonely” if your Fiance won’t stick up for you…

Post # 9
Member
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mischka:  100% agree it would be hard for the Fiance to be in the middle but mine wouldn’t let me be treated like this and he needs to be supportive for his fiancé. He doesn’t need to get mean like his mother but just firmly put his foot down so she knows where he stands and say this woman is the one I choose to marry, I love her and you need to be respectful in how you treat her because its not acceptable…. Totally felt like supernanny then lol

Post # 10
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@MrsPadlock2B:  Totally agree, you gave this bee the peferct advice!

Post # 11
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsPadlock2B:  “This woman is the one I choose to marry, I love her and you need to be respectful in how you treat her because its not acceptable.”

Exactly! I would have expected my FI-to-be to have already done this by now.

OP, has your fiancé ever spoken to her about this situation?

Post # 13
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Tell straight up, don’t beat around the bush, if you don’t tell her asap, she might verbally invite people… and make sure to have a witness when you tell her, so she cant say it never happened, or that you are lying

The topic ‘Fmil hates me and my wedding help’ is closed to new replies.

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