(Closed) FMIL hates me and not even sure she'll come to the wedding…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you need to kill her with kindness, be polite, respecful and remember – she is the closest person to your boyfriend. You do NOT want to start shit. Either she will come around, or he will stand up to her and do what he wants to do, but it’s not your place to do anything about it. 

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kariface:  This.

I would even go so far as to write her a handwritten card or call her and let her know that you are aware that she does not approve of you, but you are in BF’s life and would really like the chance to show her that you are a good person and love him. Tell her you think its important for you two to meet and try to get to know each other because you both love BF and you are doing it for him. 

Post # 6
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Chemist:  So just keep away, and be polite. Take the high road. It sounds like she has some bigger issues in her life, so I would keep away. I would also not bitch or complain to FI, it is probably breaking his heart. 

Post # 7
Member
11284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Chemist:  this is a difficult situation to be in.  i don’t envy you.  how does your bf feel about this?  if he is close to his mother, he will never choose you over her, if it ever comes down to it.  have you discussed your future together with his mother?  what if you have children?  will she disregard them too? 

you really need to talk about this b/c from what i have seen in the past, this type of relationship has too much stress and tension and never ends well.  the bf is stuck in the middle.  someone is going to get hurt.

there was a bee on here months ago in a similar position.  her bf ended up choosing his family over her.  she was devastated.

Post # 8
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why doesn’t she like you?

Post # 10
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m also curious as to why she is reacting like this. Can you think of something that you may have done or said that could have come off as disrespectful? How was the relationship before you two split? 

Post # 12
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Not letting you in the driveway? Tearing up your card before reading it? She sounds incredibly immature. How do adults think it is appropriate to act this way? The only advice I can give is to keep trying, and maybe you’ll wear her down eventually.

Post # 13
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Does he still live with her? It sounds like nothing can be done to make it right and cutting ties is the only thing you and your BF can do, unfortunately it has to be his decision to do so, so he doesnt blame you later.

Post # 14
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

 I think she is really afraid of losing D because he’s really the only person besides her sister that still talks to her because she’s pushed everyone else away.

Bingo.  She’s panicking.  Someone close to me is like this.  The way to behave with people like this is to be gently firm.  When they throw their tantrums, you can’t give them an emotional response.  You have to be stern.  Eventually they figure out you won’t put up with their crap.  I don’t think “killing with kindness” is the way to respond to people like this.  You should be kind and courteous with them in a respectful way, but not go beyond that.  Trying to please them also does you no good, because they will think they can get away with their misbehaving.  Once they learn that you won’t take their bait or fuel their tantrums, they’ll eventually burn out and learn to respect you (at least a little).  For example, if they start yelling at you, don’t respond by yelling back, but by simply saying “Please don’t yell at me.”.

Post # 15
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@ThreeMeers:  Good question.  If he’s living with her, that might help explain the severity of the issue.

The topic ‘FMIL hates me and not even sure she'll come to the wedding…’ is closed to new replies.

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