(Closed) FMIL hates me but acts like she loves me

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So, if I heard you right your main complaints are that:

1) She complains you don’t call

2) She is involved with the wedding party

3) She tells her about her troubles but doesn’t acknowledge your past troubles

4) She didn’t mention if she was giving you a gift and 

5) She wants to send Save-The-Date Cards to her family.

Man, you’ve got it rough.

Post # 5
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

sorry, just think you might be overreacting (based on the facts from the post you wrote)…try to have a little more patience with her.

Post # 6
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

eh, if her son doesn’t call her, that’s on him. He’s a grown man, and there are consequences to his choices. But they are HIS choices– you shouldn’t be responsible for his upkeep. If his momma has drama, punch her in the face.

Post # 7
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’d try to be the bigger person here. Whilst it’s annoying, she sounds like she’s interfering and bossy as opposed to malicious. Maybe the best way to deal with it is by blocking it out of your thoughts when she’s not around and killing her with niceness when she is.

Post # 8
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Kind of sounds like my own meddling mom haha. It doesn’t sound like she legitimately hates you, it’s almost like she thinks you’ve become one of her own daughters that she can nag the hell out of (I know that’s not at all what you want though). As PPs have said, try to have a little patience with her.. I always have to take a few deep breaths when I’m dealing with my own mom.. ESPECIALLY when it comes to wedding details… she never stops asking the same f*cking questions!!!!!!!! 😉

Post # 9
4371 posts
Honey bee

Would you rather she acts like she hates you?

Post # 10
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I get you. I realized that some people are just sneaky like that. I honestly would want to know that someone hated me instead of sneaking around with backhanded comments and remarks.

There’s people that are very fortunate and have never had to endure a thing like this, so I understand how they can’t understand. Hell, it took me years to finally see it!

My advice for you is to just keep civil with her. Let what she says to you go in one ear and out the other. She’s probably just used to her way and has lived like that for a very long time. She’ll know who you are eventually and what you mean to your Fiance — even if she doesn’t care to really get to know you, so what — you don’t want to be close to a person like that anyway. Just keep doing your thing, and be yourself.

Don’t let anyone ruin what you and your Fiance share. HUGS!

Post # 11
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@aliavenue:  Hahaha – awesome.  OP, I agree.  It doesn’t sound like she hates you at all and I think you are way overreacting.  Annoying that she keeps asking about the bridal party? – sure, but you haven’t given one reason for me to believe that she hates you.  Also, to be honest, you wanting her to acknowledge that your past hardships were worse than hers and complaining that she asked if your parents were contributing but didn’t offer anything herself (are you really not going to send save the dates to her and your FI’s family unless she pays!?) makes you sound kinda selfish and entitled. =/ 

Post # 12
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Maybe we’re missing some information but she doesn’t sound malicious . . .

Post # 13
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yah, I have to agree with the PPs – from the way your post was worded, OP, your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t sound hateful at all. Maybe you’re having difficulty really describing what she’s doing that makes you feel like she hates you? As it stands, it just comes off like she’s being pretty well-meaning and wanting to be involved, and you’re just annoyed with her for that.

Post # 14
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with the others it sounds like you are over reacting…..

Post # 15
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I really dont see many problems here, to be honest. She’s probably getting on your nerves, but I’m sure your mom does the same thing on occasion. Just brush it off, and direct conversation away from the wedding. Try to build a relationship outside of planning with her.

Post # 16
329 posts
Helper bee

Maybe she’s not just acting, and actually does like you. I don’t see anything in your post that would indicate she secretly hates you.

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