(Closed) FMIL Help!!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@magnoliafine:  It sounds like she lacks some serious self-confidence. What if you take her shopping for a gown. Only go to dress boutiques where there are appropriate outfits. The associates will persuade her to select a good fit!

As for the hair/make-up dilemma. Maybe you could schedule a ladies’ salon day. Bring your mom, BMs, and anyone else. Get your hair and nails done, and select how you want everyone’s makeup to look. Don’t single her out. Plus, maybe if you all do your makeup together on spa day, she will feel great in her new makeover, and it will give her the boost she needs to spruce things up on your wedding day!

Post # 4
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Future Mother-In-Law is sort of weird like this too.  She insists on wearing things that are several sizes too big.  I offered to take her dress shopping. This way I could ensure she picked something appropriate. And, she enjoyed a girls day out.


As for hair/makeup – I made an appointment for me and my bridesmaids to get our hair done the morning of the wedding.  I figured I might as well include my mom and Future Mother-In-Law.  Again, easy to make sure Future Mother-In-Law looks good if I”m there overseeing her getting ready. 

Post # 5
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Can you Fiance help you tell her that, in a very polite sweet way.  Moms are suckers for their sons.  Iam sure if your Fi goes up to her with hugs and kisses and all and maybe show her a dress or two that HE would want her to wear, then she might just go for it  I know when Darling Husband wants to her mother to do something for me, he does the asking with sweet kisses and flowers hee hee…. just make sure she never finds out is coming from you.  You wouldnt want her to feel offended.  GL

Post # 7
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

She may just be comfortable dressing that way! My usual attire is trackies and a hoodie that are way too big for me, and screw wearing a bra if I don’t have to! I also don’t wear makeup very often, either.

If you’re concerned about her appearance for the wedding, just ask her what she has planned (she may have some “dress up” clothes in her wardrobe), or offer to take her shopping. As for the hair and makeup, just book her in with you and your bridesmaids – I’m sure she won’t mind getting ready with you guys, and you can even insist on it if she is reluctant “It’s a family tradition that all the women get ready together! It would mean so much to me if you would be a part of it!”

Post # 8
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@LadyElva:  +1 on booking her in with you and your bridesmaids.

My Mother-In-Law is very country, she runs a farm and before our wedding I have never seen here in clothes that didn’t have holes in them.

She ended up buying a really nice dress, which most people would have thought was not appropriate for a MOG dress (it was a print dress in black and white) but it was flattering and she looked great! She also got her hair and makeup done with me and my girls.

Just give her a gentle nudge in the right direction, but you want her to be comfortable on the day so be flexible with your opinions on what she should wear.  

Post # 9
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@magnoliafine:  Have you asked her what she planning on wearing to the wedding? Maybe offer to go shopping with her to help her pick out something?

Some people truly don’t make their appearance a priority. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of people let themselves go for different reasons, whether it be recent childbirth, death of a loved one, an illness, or age. Can she afford decent clothing? I have a friend whose mother is epileptic. Not only does she not have a lot of disposable income, but she doesn’t drive or feel like shopping either. I think some days it’s just all she can do to tend to her basic needs. I also have a great aunt who has severe anxiety and won’t stay at home or alone long enough to care for appearance.

I think if you inquire about what she plans to wear and offer to shop with her that might be a start. If money is an issue, a lot of consignment shops have beautiful dresses that are basically new.

Post # 10
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think a lot of the suggestions others bees made regarding her going to the salon with you guys on the wedding day is great idea! We actually took my grandma with us to the salon and I picked out and purchased her dress for her since she isn’t able to get around very good.


Post # 12
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@magnoliafine:  Yes, you’re being rude.  No, she’s not going to regret what she wears on your wedding day.  She’s fine with her look (or lack thereof). 

I’m sympathetic to a degree.  After my Dad died my mom entered into a relationship with a man who actually took pride in not caring about his appearance.  He bathed and didn’t smell – but he had no trouble going out of the house in scruffy work pants and an old stained t-shirt with holes in it after not having shaved for several days.  He looked like a slob and I was embarrassed by him many times.  But…what can you do?

If she wants to wear cut off sweats and a t-shirt to your wedding, you can maybe suggest a pant suit.  However, if the clothes she’s picking are technically okay – just not stylish, I think you need to keep mum.  Ditto regarding the hair and make-up.  How she dresses and looks is no reflection on you.

Post # 13
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
@Zhabeego:  This.  I’m nearly your FMIL’s age, and if any woman said what you are planning to me, she’d get a slap across the face. 

How she looks (and that includes on your wedding day) is none of your business.  The most you can do is ask her what she’s planning to wear on the day. 

I’ve had silver hair since I was in my mid twenties.  I’ve had total strangers come up to me in the street and ask me where I got my ‘highlights’ done.   Not every woman wants to cover them. 

Post # 14
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@magnoliafine:  You might not even have an issue with sizes. if she thinks that she is a 16 when in reality she is a size 12 than she is probably a 16 in bridal size. For whatever reason formal attire is like 2 full sizes larger than what people normally wear. So it could work out for you.

The topic ‘FMIL Help!!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors