Post # 1
Let me begin by saying that I really do like my FMIL. She is a very nice lady. She is also very strange. She has a different way of doing just about everything, which is fine…to each their own. So that being said, my FMIL has no fashion sense whatsoever. Like literally none. Her daily attire consists of cut off sweat pants and a shirt thats about 4 sizes to big with no bra. YIKES. She is not a big lady…She tells me she wears a size 16 but I think in reality she is around a 12 in properly fitted clothes. She has shown me some things that she might be interested in wearing for the wedding and none of them are appropriate at all. FMIL also NEVER wears makeup…I have known her going on three years and have never seen a stich of makeup on her face…she also does not color her hair very often…she’s only 45 but does have grey hair if she does not color. So I guess my question from all of this is, what is the nice way to say “don’t you want to look nice for your son’s wedding?” I want to encourage her and not hurt her feelings but I honestly think she will regret it if she doesn’t take some steps to look nice on wedding day, especially considering it’s her oldest son and I have doubts that any of the siblings will be getting married any time soon. Am I being rude? HELP!!!
Post # 3
@magnoliafine: It sounds like she lacks some serious self-confidence. What if you take her shopping for a gown. Only go to dress boutiques where there are appropriate outfits. The associates will persuade her to select a good fit!
As for the hair/make-up dilemma. Maybe you could schedule a ladies’ salon day. Bring your mom, BMs, and anyone else. Get your hair and nails done, and select how you want everyone’s makeup to look. Don’t single her out. Plus, maybe if you all do your makeup together on spa day, she will feel great in her new makeover, and it will give her the boost she needs to spruce things up on your wedding day!
Post # 4
My FMIL is sort of weird like this too. She insists on wearing things that are several sizes too big. I offered to take her dress shopping. This way I could ensure she picked something appropriate. And, she enjoyed a girls day out.
As for hair/makeup – I made an appointment for me and my bridesmaids to get our hair done the morning of the wedding. I figured I might as well include my mom and FMIL. Again, easy to make sure FMIL looks good if I”m there overseeing her getting ready.
Post # 5
Can you FI help you tell her that, in a very polite sweet way. Moms are suckers for their sons. Iam sure if your Fi goes up to her with hugs and kisses and all and maybe show her a dress or two that HE would want her to wear, then she might just go for it I know when DH wants to her mother to do something for me, he does the asking with sweet kisses and flowers hee hee…. just make sure she never finds out is coming from you. You wouldnt want her to feel offended. GL
Post # 6
She loves me and has actually even asked for help…I’m just trying to find a way to suggest some changes(that I’m sure FFIL would like too ;)) that would help her feel and look better!
Post # 7
She may just be comfortable dressing that way! My usual attire is trackies and a hoodie that are way too big for me, and screw wearing a bra if I don’t have to! I also don’t wear makeup very often, either.
If you’re concerned about her appearance for the wedding, just ask her what she has planned (she may have some “dress up” clothes in her wardrobe), or offer to take her shopping. As for the hair and makeup, just book her in with you and your bridesmaids – I’m sure she won’t mind getting ready with you guys, and you can even insist on it if she is reluctant “It’s a family tradition that all the women get ready together! It would mean so much to me if you would be a part of it!”
Post # 8
@LadyElva: +1 on booking her in with you and your bridesmaids.
My MIL is very country, she runs a farm and before our wedding I have never seen here in clothes that didn’t have holes in them.
She ended up buying a really nice dress, which most people would have thought was not appropriate for a MOG dress (it was a print dress in black and white) but it was flattering and she looked great! She also got her hair and makeup done with me and my girls.
Just give her a gentle nudge in the right direction, but you want her to be comfortable on the day so be flexible with your opinions on what she should wear.
Post # 9
@magnoliafine: Have you asked her what she planning on wearing to the wedding? Maybe offer to go shopping with her to help her pick out something?
Some people truly don’t make their appearance a priority. Unfortunately, I’ve seen a lot of people let themselves go for different reasons, whether it be recent childbirth, death of a loved one, an illness, or age. Can she afford decent clothing? I have a friend whose mother is epileptic. Not only does she not have a lot of disposable income, but she doesn’t drive or feel like shopping either. I think some days it’s just all she can do to tend to her basic needs. I also have a great aunt who has severe anxiety and won’t stay at home or alone long enough to care for appearance.
I think if you inquire about what she plans to wear and offer to shop with her that might be a start. If money is an issue, a lot of consignment shops have beautiful dresses that are basically new.
Post # 10
I think a lot of the suggestions others bees made regarding her going to the salon with you guys on the wedding day is great idea! We actually took my grandma with us to the salon and I picked out and purchased her dress for her since she isn’t able to get around very good.
Post # 11
Thank you, bees! I will definitely invite her along when we get hair and makeup done! One more question is when dress shopping, how to I get her to try on something that is a proper size and isn’t a million sizes too large? I think she will feel uncomfortable in anything that fits her but I also think she will regret looking back on photos and seeing that she looked like she was wearing a giant tent or something.
Post # 12
@magnoliafine: Yes, you’re being rude. No, she’s not going to regret what she wears on your wedding day. She’s fine with her look (or lack thereof).
I’m sympathetic to a degree. After my Dad died my mom entered into a relationship with a man who actually took pride in not caring about his appearance. He bathed and didn’t smell – but he had no trouble going out of the house in scruffy work pants and an old stained t-shirt with holes in it after not having shaved for several days. He looked like a slob and I was embarrassed by him many times. But…what can you do?
If she wants to wear cut off sweats and a t-shirt to your wedding, you can maybe suggest a pant suit. However, if the clothes she’s picking are technically okay – just not stylish, I think you need to keep mum. Ditto regarding the hair and make-up. How she dresses and looks is no reflection on you.
Post # 13
@Zhabeego: This. I’m nearly your FMIL’s age, and if any woman said what you are planning to me, she’d get a slap across the face.
How she looks (and that includes on your wedding day) is none of your business. The most you can do is ask her what she’s planning to wear on the day.
I’ve had silver hair since I was in my mid twenties. I’ve had total strangers come up to me in the street and ask me where I got my ‘highlights’ done. Not every woman wants to cover them.
Post # 14
@magnoliafine: You might not even have an issue with sizes. if she thinks that she is a 16 when in reality she is a size 12 than she is probably a 16 in bridal size. For whatever reason formal attire is like 2 full sizes larger than what people normally wear. So it could work out for you.