(Closed) FMIL Help!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
117 posts
Blushing bee

no those are NOT unreasonable an in fact exactly what should be done.  When it come to dealing with unpleasant things the child of the family should be the one to discuss them….in this situation, your Fiance.

good luck

Post # 4
2640 posts
Sugar bee

That sounds about right.  It isn’t right that your Future Mother-In-Law offered the money, and is now withdrawing.  If you still need some money for the rehearsal luncheon, figure out what that is, and have your Fiance ask her to contribute that amount, because she did offer, initially.  With the help of our Future Father-In-Law, if you do not need the money she set aside for the RL,  it fine to feel her out for the Out of Town event, but be prepared for her to say no.  Also, if this Out of Town event isn’t something she is likely to go to or enjoy (ie. a younger scene), it might not be kosher to ask.

Post # 5
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have your Fiance remind her that a rehearsal luncheon is attended by the core bridal party and their guests, not the guests of the payee.  (But make it sound nicer!)  A RL should be just the bridal party and parents, not the whole family!  (Why does everyone keep thinking it’s everyone??)  I think you have outlined exactly what should be done.  Kudos for maturity!

Post # 6
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

After going through the madness wedding planning creates- I wish I would have pawned off more situations like this on my husband and not worried.  I learned my lesson and no live a stress me existence (he’s not as happy though because he has to deal with them!)

Post # 7
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Yes, I agree with the other posters that your fh should be the one handling this.  Also, I think it is wonderful and very generous of you to have such great party for your oot guests!

Post # 8
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m going to present a different perspective. Because my future in-laws are hosting the event, they are deciding who is coming – basically, it’s their party and they can invite who they want to. My Future Mother-In-Law wants all her extended family who will be visiting from out of town, so she decided to invite all out of town guests. But, these means all of the out-of-town guests on all sides of the family will be coming, and it makes the whole event more expensive.

If your Future Mother-In-Law thought she was hosting this party, and is agreeing to pay the cost to host it, then she should be allowed to contol the guest list (while obviously inviting people fairly on both sides of the family). If the people she wants to invite goes over the amount she’s willing to spend, she’ll have to pony up some more money somehow.

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