(Closed) FMIL in the Bride Room

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

What kinds of things does she say and do? Are they bad enough to overcome the rest of the people in the room?  I’m just wondering if it’d be easier to let her in to keep the peace and not cause problems but have everyone (her daughters) try to keep her from stressing you out.

Post # 4
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Unreasonable? No. BUT believe me that with all the goings on, you would hardly notice her being there.

Post # 5
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I will add that while she doesn’t stress me out I don’t know what my Future Mother-In-Law will be doing.  I’m torn between her wanting to see my fiance get ready and her wanting to see me get ready because she has no daughters and my fiance’s brother’s wedding was so quick she didn’t get any of that.  We were thinking of trying to get ready fairly close to each other so she can go back and forth.  Would cutting the time in half like that work?

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

Sometimes it’s just easier to give in. She’s going to be your family, and it’ll probably make things hard on your relationship if you start out by not letting her be there. Plus bluespurrs is right, there will be so much going on that hopefully you won’t even notice her.

Post # 7
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

What exactly does she stress out about?  This woman is going to be in your life for a long time, maybe you can just have her there to keep the peace and just ignore any annoying craziness?  You will probably be too busy to notice anyway.

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i think not allowing her in is going to make everything much worse and start the whole in-law relationship with the wrong foot forward.

Post # 9
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You’re going to have photographers, bridesmaids, etc. in the room with you. What’s one more person? Seriously–like bells said, it’ll probably mess up your relationship with her if you say “no,” and you don’t want that.

Post # 10
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the others.  You have to let her in for at least 10-15 minutes, especially since she has four daughters in there already.  It will be less stress in the long run of your marriage to be cordial to her now.

Post # 11
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I think you’re being a little unreasonable.  All four of her daughters will be in there and its not like she can go watch your Fiance and the boys get ready (they are NOT going to want a female in there).  You are asking for hurt feelings and a bad start to the relationship with your in-laws if you ban her from the room.

Post # 12
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree that you should let her in. Like a PP said, where is she going to go? She’s going to want to be a part of getting ready, and she can’t go in the groom’s room. So she” want to be in with you and her four daughters. Just maybe mention to her daughters to run interference– if she starts to talking to you too much, have them try to distract her with something else so you can have some peace.

Post # 13
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I agree with the poster. If your Future Mother-In-Law stresses you out, give her a job to do during your getting ready time. I was in a similar spot and ended up having her be in charge of the boys and overseeing them getting ready. Her son is getting married and maybe you could present it as HER SON wants to spend some time with her the day of his wedding.

If you truely don’t want her there and she will stress you out, you will for sure notice her in the room. Besides it seems like you have a full space anyway. If she is like my Mother-In-Law giving her 10 min would result in her not leaving and giving unsoliciated advice the whole time. Stick by your guns but be polite and make it about her needing to spend time with her son.

Post # 14
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

My Mother-In-Law wasn’t allowed in the room with me either, but my SIL “babysat” her up until the ceremony started.  So if there are no other siblings who could hang out with her, it may be hard to pull that.

Post # 15
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think what you want is what you want – if my Mother-In-Law stressed me out, I wouldnt want her there either, regardless of whether I wouldn’t notice her, etc. I might ban my own mother, in fact! 🙂 But I do agree with Bells that it might cause some family drama … so if you do go forward and ban her from being there, have a good reason why — make something up if you have to. Hopefully she’ll understand, but assuming that you have a good reason why you feel how you do about her, I wouldn’t count on it.

See if you can schedule mom – son pictures right before the wedding, when you’re getting ready! Or as someone else suggested, give her a task to do.  OR — what about scheduling for her to get her hair and make up done once you and your maids are done ? Just have them do it in HER room (assuming you will be in a hotel getting ready)?

Good luck.

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