(Closed) FMIL invited more people – again

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s too bad.  Has your Fiance helped her to understand your venue and budget constraints? As she’s immediate family, you two may be comfortable disclosing that information and just seeing things from your point of view may help.  – I’m always more receptive to an explanation than direction I don’t fully understand; so if you haven’t discussed the “why” she can’t keep inviting people, she really might not have figured out how stressful it could be for you.

At some point you also have to make it known that your firm date for guest list finalization is (fill in the date).  And make it known throughout all parts of both your families that you will not be able to alter your guest list after that date. Beyond your deadline date you should get very used to the phrase “I’m sorry, that’s not possible.” – It will be a go-to statement when people try to get you to add (or swap) guests.

I’d be hesitant to not send an invitation to someone I had already sent a STD.

Post # 5
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You aren’t a monster – you need to have a list and a count.  But your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t sound like she’s trying to INTENTIONALLY make your planning more difficult; so I don’t think she’s a monster either…

If it’s any consullation – I don’t think you’re obligated to invite all of FMIL’s guests to your “extra” events.

Farewell brunches are often smaller than the wedding, and unless the welcome cocktails are immediately before the wedding, there’s really no mandate to extend an invitation to EVERY guest.

It is typically considered the hostess’s job to offer hospitality for out of town guests; but if the guests are local, and you aren’t especially close to them, you’re not under any obligation to invite everyone to events that you’d rather be more intimate.

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