Post # 1
His mom and my mom are hosting one of my bridal showers in a few weeks. Today as my mom got ready to send out the invites she called the Future Mother-In-Law to make sure she had everything right. My Future Mother-In-Law added two women – one I’ve never met and the second is her best friend that I do know slightly – to the shower list. Both are not on our guest list. When I told my mom that she goes, ‘actually, she said she knew they weren’t invited but she is close with them and really wanted them to be there.’
For one, I find it to be pretty crappy that someone I don’t know at all is being invited. Two, the best friend is someone we discussed before – I had previously told Future Mother-In-Law there are people who didn’t make our wedding guest list and she was one of them. The guest list is 70% fiance’s side and 30% mine. It’s already all about them, even though he was married once before, it’s my first and only wedding, and he and I are paying for everything ourselves.
We cut a LOT of people I love dearly. This shower is also the one where his family and the wives of my Fiance buddies’ are coming to. Only three or four of the 22 invited are people I know and love. That includes my own mom. 🙁
I feel obligated to invite her best friend now to the wedding, which really upsets me. We are already over our guest list and while she says ‘oh I know she isn’t invited’ she clearly wants her to be. The other lady is actually the ex-wife of a relative who we also discussed once before and I mentioned it would be very awkward and Future Mother-In-Law agreed.
Post # 3
OH DEAR, I’m sorry you’re having to go through that. But, think… the more people, the more gifts haha! Your mother doesn’t seem to be too frazzled about it, and you can have multiple showers. Consider this “his” and then have a really intimate one where you invite your friends and close family.
Post # 4
Wow, that’s awful. Have the invites to the shower been mailed?
Post # 5
@KaitlinHudson: Even if my mom thought it was crap, she wouldn’t say anything. She knows I’m upset about a lot right now and wouldn’t stress me further. She did laugh and say, well shoot babe, think of the presents! 🙂 I <3 her. Luckily my two MOH’s are throwing me a more intimate shower the week after and my bachelorette which I’m totally looking forward to! 🙂
@Professor: No they haven’t. And I dont’ think I will say anything honestly because the last thing I want is a feud with my Future Mother-In-Law who for the most part I get along with famously. It just frustrates me that we can barely pay for our wedding right now and I just added an extra 2 people to my guest list, minimum. It’s more the principle that I explained before I didn’t want to invite anyone who wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
@christalynn11: I am so sorry. I felt very strongly about not inviting anyone to the shower who wasn’t invited to the wedding. Can you ask your Future Mother-In-Law to contribute to the cost of inviting these two extra people to the wedding? I know that’s not the only issue, but, if it were me, would want Future Mother-In-Law to understand that her actions have consequences for others.
Post # 7
What are the cost to invite these two people (and possibly their guests) to the wedding?
Post # 8
I would check with your Future Mother-In-Law.
In many areas it is in fact the custom to invite people to a wedding shower who are not invited to the wedding. Where I live, brides may have several showers- given by co-workers, the grooms family, friends etc .Dozens of people are invited to showers who are not expecting an invitation to the wedding.
If this is the experience of your Future Mother-In-Law and the 2 ladies she invited to the shower, they may simply be happy to attend the shower.