(Closed) FMIL is Being Rude

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 9
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yikes… while I would have said something along the lines of “thank you so much but since you are short on time, and I am short on money and time, I will just stick to one shower.”


I can understand why she might get upset with your email…. though what she did was rude I feel like that email is extremely confrontational!

Post # 3
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

oh, that is so annoying! I can’t believe how rude that is! I don’t really have any advice, but if it makes you feel any better, at least that story of how she is basically trying to make you throw your own shower got a good laugh from me!

Post # 5
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow, just wow. You went to bible study to be nice and in return she informs you that you will be paying for the shower she offered to throw for you, which she also isn’t coordinating anymore.

I think you should kill her with kindness. Thank her up and down for offering to throw you a shower, gush about how sweet it was of her to even think of, but admit that you just don’t have the money to pay for your own bridal shower. Ask her to come to your other shower that people are throwing for you and mention that may work out better anyway.

I did not spend a penny on either of my showers and I wouldn’t have if asked. I didn’t ask to be thrown a bridal shower and it kind of goes against the whole point to have the bride pay for it.

Post # 6
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would just say I’m sorry, I don’t have any cash to spare for a shower therfore whatever may happen “happens” then don’t mention it and let things happen or not happen.

Post # 8
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@rubyred605: Now I’m totally on your side in this, but this email will defintely not go well as you anticpate. I think you should have said this to her instead. I don’t know. reading it comes off a little umm not harash but… I don’t know the apporiate word right now. 

Post # 11
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Holy condescension, Batman!

While it may have been gauche (it’s the new tacky! 🙂 of your Future Mother-In-Law to expect you to help plan and chip in on your potluck shower, any high ground gets washed away in the gauchness of sending her an email calling her gauche.

It sounds like she was doing things the way they’re done in her circle–potlucks with the Bible Study ladies. Unless she is totally self-absorbed and oblivious, I see no way in which being chastized for her lack of etiquette because her idea of the way things are done doesn’t match yours could be anything other than hurtful.

I am sad for your Future Mother-In-Law who offered to do a nice thing by throwing you a shower, even if her way of doing it was insulting for you. 🙁 Showers are thrown out of happiness, excitement, and love for the couple, no?

ETA: I don’t understand the thing about Bible Study being manipulative. You were already having a shower, thrown by somebody else, so how can she be holding this over your head to make you get a party?

Post # 13
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think your fmil was wrong to expect you to pay for the shower but your email to her was condescending and rude.  I can’t imagine anyone taking that well.  There are countless other ways to tell her that you can’t/won’t pay for your shower without being hurtful.

Post # 16
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

OP you know your Future Mother-In-Law best. We can’t accurately judge the totality of your interactions with her  based on one post. Since the email has been sent, whats done is done. Its no biggie when I’m sure there will be other larger issues down the line. Relationships are a balancing act, you did the best that you could in that moment.

No reason to lurk. We don’t bite, just offering differing view points thats all.

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