(Closed) FMIL is crazy

posted 7 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

as long as you and your FH know what’s up then I wouldn’t worry too much about it. She’s driving herself crazy and there isn’t anything you can do beyond what you’ve already done to assure her. She’s doing it to herself by jumping to conclusions and not trusting you guys.

Post # 4
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh she sounds difficult. I would stop giving her any details about church services. When she brings it up, say “Sandy, nothing has changed since our last conversation. Johnny is not converting to Catholicism.” – then change the topic! While I understand that she is looking for reassurance, she can’t keep harping on a subject when you’ve made it clear her input is not needed/wanted.

Post # 5
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

From my experience its all about the grandkids—  assure you about that- and she will mellow out

Post # 6
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I actually think Fiance needs to give her a talking-to.  If these issues are coming up now when you are engaged, imagine once you are married and have kids.

Fiance needs to make it clear to her that she needs to respect your decisions as a couple and mark some boundaries.

Post # 7
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I hope you guys can find a resolution to this situation soon. I imagine it would become a very tiresome, stressful, and aggravating thing to deal with nonsense accusations for the rest of your life! Agree that FH should sit her aside and lay everything out on the table before it really gets out of hand.

Post # 8
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Also, I should note that regardless of what your FH is doing, it is his decision. Even if he was converting, Future Mother-In-Law has no right to act out in such a way. It’s his life and they are his decisions and she needs to respect them, whatever they may be.

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I hope that you two have decided on what faith your children will be, if you choose to have them.  If you chose to not to raise them in her religion I would have the conversation now.

Post # 10
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sounds almost like she is hoping you’ll convert to Judaism… what with not being offended that you go to her schule and everything… not long after I met my FH did I get the “my grandkids had better be Jewish” talk…

Post # 11
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I realize that it’s annoying, but I would cut the woman some slack.  How doyou think you family would react if the situation were reversed?

Agree with PPs that she’s probably worried about grandchildren.  If you guys haven’t addressed that issue now I would strongly advise that you do so and then communicate your feelings to her as a couple.

Post # 14
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry girl, sounds like things are getting worse. Just keep your chin up and try your damndest to be sweet. Weddings bring out all sorts of family drama, eventually the dust will settle.

Post # 16
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP–I realize that I am kind of late to the game here, but have you made an effort to learn about Judaism?  Are you dedicated to ensuring that your children are knowledgeable about their Jewish heritage?  My Fiance is Jewish and I am not, however I have gone out of my way to ensure that his family realizes that I am interested in their heritage and am not going to ignore it.  Making a few latkes and knowing a little Yiddish can go a long way!

While your Future Mother-In-Law does sound a little crazy, to which I have no comment, please remember where she is coming from. Women of her age personally know Holocaust survivors and those who didn’t survive.  She has likely dealt with predjudice in her life due to being Jewish.  I imagine that she is concerned about the family’s Jewish heritage living on, especially if you aren’t going to raise your children Jewish.

Difficult though she may be, she is your FI’s mother and will be in your life for a long, long time. You can’t do anything about it.  What you can do is do everything in your power to have a good relationship with her. 

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