(Closed) FMIL is not going to like our plans

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

well just make sure that she knows that this is what the both of you want. It might be better to have your Fiance talk with his mother, that way they understand that he is making this choice, and that you aren’t making the choice of “depriving” them and making him do it. Other than that, you just have to do what is best for you, and speak honestly and from the heart. Good luck!

By The Way, those demands she made were a little outrageous in my opinion, I can already see why you would want to elope haha.

Post # 4
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ach! If someone said all of that to me, I would DEFINITELY elope! She sounds like a meddler.

Post # 5
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yeah, I could see why eloping sounds like a good idea. I agree with PP. Make sure that it is clear that this is what both of you want, and that you are not doing this to hurt anyone.

Post # 6
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Congrats! Most of her requests do sound a little outrageous. But it’s your choice to elope, and as long as you and your Fiance are on the same page with it, just explain it to her. That said, try to understand where she’s coming from on that one. You may not be trying to deprive her, but you would be. Not that you should feel bad about it, that’s just the facts. She raised her boy, and she wants to see him on his wedding day. It’s not unreasonable, it’s just not her decision.

Post # 7
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well I would flat out say no to converting to Catholicism it is seriously a big endevour. My mom recently converted and it was a major undertaking. You must take classes, be baptised, go through first communion, and take pre-marital classes. I would also suggest that you and your Fiance do not feel comfortable with having a big wedding, you want to have a more romantic private wedding another reason is you cannot afford to have a big wedding. Suggest that if she and the family is absolute about having a big wedding that they will have to pay for everything. Hopefully that will get her off your back. Honestly though I would just tell her your plans and let her see how she reacts from there. Good Luck.

Post # 8
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

2) Me to convert to Catholism and marry in a church. (She asked if I would at least consider it) <— sorry, but wtf??? Your belief and what church you belong to (if any) is really none of her business. She sounds a bit like my Future Mother-In-Law.

I agree with PPs, stick to your plan and make it clear that this is coming from both of you, not just you.

Post # 9
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Most of her demands are ridiculous (seriously, she wants you tro convert?!) but you can’t really blame her for wanting to see her son get married. I think any parent would want that. I know ours did which was why eloping wasn’t even considered (not that I would have wanted to elope anyway). As long as both you and your Fiance are on the same page then there’s really nothing that she can do about it but you have to be prepared for her to be upset over your choices. 

I agree with the PP’s. It would be better to have your final plans filtered through her son. That way you’re staying out of it and she can see that this is something that he wants as well. 

Post # 10
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012


It sounds like eloping is definitely the best option, I can’t even imagine her LATER requests if she is already being so bold! Lol. There will always be someone who disagrees with how you choose your wedding plans (mine is my Step-Mother) and they just have to get over it. If you’re sure about what you and your Fiance want, then that’s that. You are adults and can choose whatever the heck you want.

Post # 11
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You Future Mother-In-Law responses validate your choice to elope. This is yours and the grooms decision. She already had her wedding. Congrats! 

Post # 13
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You don’t have to convert if Fiance is catholic… and i sure wouldn’t… but you might consider a very SMALL catholic wedding so Fiance can get his sacrament… but yeah – do what makes you both happy!

Post # 14
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

4) She asked that we please not elope and deprive her of seeing her son marry.

my MILs only negative comment about us eloping was “i didnt get to see my son marry” but no one died, we all moved on and its in the past – in fact his cousin copied/eloped about a year later

having a party at home after the wedding definitely helped her – she got to introduce me to everyone and that made her happy

Post # 15
48 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would go with a very small Destination Wedding. 🙂 That way its small and private but she can still see her son get married. Just an idea!

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