- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My Future Mother-In-Law is a very difficult woman. She’s beyond hard to deal with, she never smiles and ignores me at all times. She doesn’t think I’m good enough for her son, who she continuously disrespects in all aspects, but that’s a whole other story! She will be pleasant enough to my face (and by pleasant enough, I mean she sits there without saying a word.) Behind my back, however, she starts rumors about me and says horrible things about me to anyone who will listen. I’ve honestly never done anything to her, in the past five years that Fiance and I have been together, I’ve defended myself maybe twice and it started a huge amount of drama, she acted like I’d just screamed at her and been just awful; when in reality I’d been very nice about defending myself and not at all said what I’d wish I could’ve said! So after that, I just tried to avoid it to keep peace. I’m also very shy, I have a hard time socializing with new people or people I’m not fully comfortable around and don’t usually start conversations first, so to her that means I’m a snob and I’m better than her because I don’t always have a whole lot to say.
Anyways, she complains that I don’t invite her to help out enough, but when I do, she always declines. She got upset when I had Fiance and I’s first child and didn’t ask her to help decorate the baby’s room, (I didn’t ask my mother either, Fiance and I did it together.) So I thought maybe since it upset her so much the first time, maybe she’d like to help out with our second child, I asked, she declined. She got upset that I hadn’t asked her to help out with wedding decorations, I hadn’t realized she wanted to help out since she hadn’t taken any interest so far or even asked how the wedding planning was going, so I asked if she would like to help us make the bouquets and centerpieces, she declined. Again she took no interest, but complained that we didn’t ask her to help with food, so Fiance asked if she would like to make a dish for the reception, again, she declined. And each of these times she declines, she acts like we’re burdoning her. She acts as if we’ve asked to do the whole wedding for us! She hasn’t helped our monetarily or emotionally in any way whatsoever, and she’s a 46 year old “stay at home mom.” Even though she doesn’t have any kids to take care of and no job since she was 16; so I don’t know what she’s so worried about!
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here, I’ve tried time and time again to be nice to this woman, I’ve tried to include her in plans with just about everything I can think of, and she says she wants no part of it, but later complains because she wasn’t a part of it. I just can’t win with her, and I don’t know what to do anymore! Any advice? Does anyone else have a Future Mother-In-Law or Mother-In-Law like this? My Fiance agrees that the way his mother acts is bizarre, but also has no clue what to do. He’s also tried talking to her, but she runs to his dad and acts like a victim that we’ve just tried to hurt for fun and then Future Father-In-Law comes at us, screaming and starting drama because how dare we hurt his “other half.”