(Closed) FMIL is so frustrating – very long

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ummm sounds like she is pocketing some of that money. Do you have proof that she is actually paying that amount of money? Personally, I would just stop giving her the money, and pay it yourself (your Fiance, anyway). She really can’t do anythign about it. And what she has to realize is she is the COSIGNER, therefore she doesn’t really have a leg to stand on negotiating with you guys. THis is his loan, not hers, and she needs to back off

Post # 4
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

It’s hard because she wants that loan paid off so her name is off as a co-signer. Who knows, maybe she has something in mind that she’d like to purchase but can’t because her debt ratio is caught up with your FI’s loans. Also, I’d be pretty pissed if I co-signed for school loans and whomever I signed for dropped out.

On the other hand, she has to let go. Her son is an adult and needs freedom to make his own choices. I think that you have to respect your Fiance and FMIL’s agreement and not get in the middle.

If you can afford it, help him pay off the loan as fast as humanly possible. When the loan is finished, she won’t have hold over you anymore.

Post # 5
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would not apologize, but I also probably would have made Fiance deal with his mom.  And if money is a concern I would have Fiance discuss the monthly payment amount with his parents once he moves out. $700/month is rediculous amount when you have other monthly responsibilities.

Post # 6
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Nope.  I dont think I’d apologize.  That just sounds like a slippery slope with this overbearing woman.  And her arguement that she cosigned the loans and could just not pay it and screw up her credit goes the SAME for her!!!!  Your Fiance is on the loan too, if his mom screws up, its on HIS credit too.  So to withhold that info from him is rediculous.  Both parties of a loan should have equal access to it.  But you said he was paying it before, was that to her or to the loan directly?  He’s a grown man about to get married, why is he letting his mother tell him how to handle his finances anyways??

Post # 7
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree with @MrsSl82be: on this one.  You need a printed accounting of the loan payments.  Even if she co-signed the loan, your Fiance needs to get a copy of the current balance owing as well as the payment history ASAP. 

That aside, I would just continue to DIRECTLY (to the lender, not FMIL) continue to make the minimum payments.  She can’t do ANYTHING if you are making the minimum payments. 

Post # 9
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MrsSl82be: That was my gut reaction.

$700/month x 12 months = $8,400/year. How much did he take out in loans to begin with? Her dodging questions definitely sounds like she’s pocketing some money!

Post # 10
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@rubyred605: Sure he can.  If he wants to be as agressive as she is with paying it off, he can.  But if he has to sacrafice and barely scrape by because he has to pay an extra $600 a month, that shouldnt be her decision to make anymore, especially if he’s no longer under her roof.

Post # 11
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If his minimum payment is 100$ how much does he have left if he has been paying 700? Are student loans normally 72 months or is it more?

Post # 12
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

What does your Fiance have to say about the situation?

Money is one of the hardest things, and dealing with money with the FIL’s is REALLY tough!

I try my best to just keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself when I’m around my FI’s family. I just let him know what I think later, if it involves me. Even then, it’s really hard to talk about because he gets really defensive.

I agree with PPs that your Fiance needs to get the loan information from the lenders himself and verify that all payments have been made. If his SSN is on the loans, they should have no problem speaking to him directly.

Maybe you’re not wrong, and apologizing really sucks if you’re not the wrong one. But honestly, you’re going to have to deal with this woman for a loooooooong time. It’s probably worth it right now just to be the bigger person and try to smooth things over. Give yourself some time to calm down and then approach her about it later. Have your Fiance come with you if it helps!

Post # 13
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m also curious as to whether she has actually paid all the money into the loans. 

Post # 14
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If in 2 weeks he will no longer be resident at his parent’s house, the agreement he made when he moved back in will then be null and void.

Payments should be made directly to the loan company.  Find out what the minimum is, and start making it.

More importantly DON’T APOLOGISE!  Your Future Mother-In-Law should not be so heavily involved in your FIs personal financial business, not now.  

My future Future Mother-In-Law also seems to think she needs to know all my FIs financial business. It really pisses me off no end.  You need to nip this insane behaviour in the bud right now, at the beginning of your marriage.

Post # 15
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Part of the problem is that, right now, YOU can’t do anything.  Your Fi needs to contact the lender, request the payment history, and change the login information to something Future Mother-In-Law won’t have.  He needs to talk directly to them, maybe on speaker with you there, and make sure that his mom can’t make changes to his account (like the address change).

For future reference, if you are unemployed, you can petition to have student loan payments deferred until you are able to pay them again.

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