Post # 1
My Future Mother-In-Law seems to be planning a surprise shower for me. I only know that because my hubby-to-be asked my BFF/MOH for her number and she knows how much I despise surprises. Not only that, but she is extremely upset that she was not given a chance to plan anything and is not being asked for help. I believe that it is my Maid/Matron of Honor place to be part of the bridal shower planning, but I’m not sure how to approach the situation. The Mr. won’t talk to his mom, my mother won’t say anything, and I’m not supposed to know about it. Yet, I can’t just stand by and let my Maid/Matron of Honor get upset and feel ignored and pushed aside. Do I tell his family that my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning the shower and if they want to help to call her, or do I have her plan a shower for my family and friends? I don’t think planning one together is much of an option as my Maid/Matron of Honor is very outspoken and can be harsh, while the In-Laws are much more reserved and have actually made it clear to me that they do not care for her very much.
Post # 3
this seems like a situation that you should NOT be in the middle of. let them deal with it amongst themselves. personally, i’m a total control freak and i’d want to jump in to the middle of this too, but i learned from wedding planning that there was enough on my plate without worrying about other people’s interactions or the plans they were making themselves. it’s not your problem. you say your moh is outspoken–tell her to stick up for herself if she’s says she’s feeling excluded
Post # 4
Perhaps your Future Mother-In-Law is planning to invite people from her side of the family? Often this is done as a welcome to the bride and ensures that she has a chance to meet her new relatives before the wedding.
Many brides have more than one shower. Speaking as a guest, I would rather attend one of two or three smaller showers, than be a guest at a shower with 75 women attending.
I would ask your Maid/Matron of Honor to give your Future Mother-In-Law a call and have a discussion. Your Maid/Matron of Honor could let your Future Mother-In-Law know that she was already planning your shower and wanted to compare guest lists etc
Post # 5
we had three showers– one thrown by my parents, one thrown by his parents, and one thrown by my BOH. the attendees did not overlap much, and everyone who threw one was really excited and happy to do so… it might be okay to let them figure it out.