(Closed) FMIL is unhappy with our reception only invitations!

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This just comes across as so immature. DH and I eloped, and we will be having a casual party type thing to celebrate with family. I wouldn’t call it a reception because then people are expected to bring gifts and we aren’t expecting that from them. If someone in our family was to pay for some of this party then we would be sure to recognise them. It is not old fashion, it is respectful and showing that person you appreciate their efforts.

I would just fork out the extra $230 to re-print them, or see if they can edit the ones you currently have at all. $750 is a fair bit of money to most people, and considering you didnt have a ‘real’/ traditional ceremony this is her way of being involved and celebrating with you. If she wasn’t happy for you then she wouldnt have offered to help… that doesnt sound selfish to me. If your FI is going to stop talking to her forever over this then I feel sorry for his mum, she is only trying to help.

I understand that you need to vent and you may not like people disagreeing with you, but as outsiders we are unbiased and can see how it looks to your Future Mother-In-Law. It sounds like you all need to relax a little bit and enjoy the celebration with a little bit of compromise.

Post # 33
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would have your fiance call her and see if she would like to go ahead and order her own invites. She had planned on paying for them anyway.

Or, possibly have the response cards changed and place her name on the response card and in the return address of the envelope. That will definitely give guests the understanding that she is the one holding the reception.

Without either of the above, I would say you should pay for the reception yourselves, or cancel it all together.

I completely side with your Mother-In-Law on this one. It appears (although it is likely not your intention) to take complete credit for a reception that she is paying for.. and that’s just not right.

Post # 34
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s incredibly rude to let your Future Mother-In-Law pay for the reception and not list her name as the host, it’s not like that is some unimportant etiquette rule…it’s just having sommon sense and being polite, acting thankful that she’s being so generous and letting your guests know it. Of course she is offended, how could she not be??

You say she’s unwilling to do anything to make you happy…um, paying thousands of dollars to host this isn’t enough to make you happy? So basically you want everything to be your way but have her pay for it…yes, it’s your wedding, but that’s not how it works, the person who is paying is allowed to have some input and at the very least gets the respect of having their name on the invites. If you don’t want to hear her opinion or do anything her way, pay for it yourself.

Post # 35
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was hoping to hear more about your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law to see if we were all possibly reacting too harshly to you and your situation, but after hearing more of an explanation I again have to agree with your Future Mother-In-Law.  Trust me, I completely understand that money is tight and you do not have money to reprint the invitations, but it does not mean your Future Mother-In-Law should not still be hurt that you did not include her name on the invites. I agree she could have said something about the proofs you showed her but the more I hear from you the more it sounds like she was too gracious to say anything and probably hoped you would change your mind and rightfully include her.  Since you seem to be getting angrier and more stressed after reading that we do not agree that you were right to leave your Future Mother-In-Law off the invites and feel personally attacked it IS making me agree with you that you should probably call the reception off.  Your Future Mother-In-Law deserves to throw a party for someone that WANTS to come to the party she is paying for and throwing for you.  That way you and you Fiance can throw your own party one day when you have the money completely the way you want to without having to deal with the word compromise.

Post # 36
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If your Future Mother-In-Law is paying for and throwing you a party then of course she would have a say in the decisions. Yes you should be able to help but it is her paying for it. I can see why she would be hurt about the name, but she should of replied when you sent her the proofs. Also too when you are sending someone something to approve and there is a deadline, if you don’t hear from them you should be calling to follow up and not just letting the deadline pass.

How is your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law other than this?

If you don’t want to be stressed out about the reception just let her plan it, you don’t need to stress out about it. Check in with her once in a while but leave the main responsibility with her.

Post # 37
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

We had a private ceremony just the two of us, and now we are hosting (and paying for) a reception in two weeks. We didn’t include my parents’ names because they aren’t hosting the party.  If my parents had hosted the party or contributed financially, we would have included their names. However, that’s not the case, so I used my maiden name on the invitation.

We’re doing something much more formal than what it sounds like you’re doing, so our wording was much more formal:

Loribeth Maiden name and James His Name

became Mr. and Mrs. James His Name

in a private ceremony 

Wednesday, the first of December, two thousand and ten

at The Gastonian Inn, Savannah, Georgia

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the dinner reception celebrating their marriage

Saturday, the sixth of August, two thousand and eleven

Post # 38
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

View original reply
@2bMrsG: She was quick to tell us that she wasn’t happy we decided to have a private wedding ceremony in Las Vegas and that still seems to be an issue with her.

She obviously feels left out. Whether or not you consider family to be important, it’s a big deal for a parent when their kid gets married. You and your Fiance have every right to have the private wedding you want, but that doesn’t mean the people who care about you aren’t allowed to be hurt that they won’t be there to support you. Clearly since you aren’t letting her have any part of your actual wedding, she wants to at least have a reception for you so she can celebrate it with you after the fact.

Can you maybe stop acting like a victim for a moment and try seeing it from her side? Why would someone who’s “not excited” for you want to throw you a reception?

Post # 39
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
@2bMrsG: I don’t think it’s fair to give her all the credit even if she is paying for most of it. This wedding is about my FI and I and not her and personally, I don’t like the woman very much after I got to know her better so I really wish she wouldn’t have made the offer to throw us a reception now

Typically I come down hard on FIL’s overstepping their boundries, but in this case , i think you are in the wrong. As an adult she can’t TWIST your arm to have an AHR. She made the offer, you didn’t have to accept. your 400+ posts deep on the Bee, i’m sure you have read many posts on these situations so you can’t pretend to not know better. But in this case – your acting like you just don’t care which is far worse IMO. You say its about you and your FH but you sure are quick to take up on her financial offer, werent’ you? You didn’t know you didn’t like her before the check cleared? Hmmm. So either cancel it or fund it on your own if you don’t want her input. 

Post # 42
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@2bMrsG: I’m glad that you guys came up with a compromise, and that you clarified things for us once you weren’t so angry, it helps me to understand.

Post # 43
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
@2bMrsG: Sorry if my tone was a little harsh, you did write in anger so I probably feed off of that. I’m happy that things have worked themselves out. Family dynamics are never easy navigate.

The topic ‘FMIL is unhappy with our reception only invitations!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors