(Closed) FMIL is upset she’s not more involved

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am going through the same thing. Only I have invited Future Mother-In-Law to pretty much all of our appointments just to be nice, and she has turned them all down. Then she complains that we don’t include her in anything. Sometimes you just can’t win.

Can you invite her to one appointment maybe? Sometimes it is better to offer just to keep the peace. Remember, you will be dealing with this woman forever. Good luck!

Post # 4
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this I would say maybe consider inviting her to the tasting? (though if you don’t want to, I totally understand that too!) That was actually one thing that we could get the Future In-Laws to come to (hmmmmm, wonder why, haha) and it was actually nice to have the time with them, us and my parents.  I decided early on that she would not be included in the dress at all, that was something that was most definitely me & my mom – and now, we don’t invite her to the big things since she says no to all the little things.

Perhaps you could ask her what she wants to be included in? And mention that there are some things that you want to experience with just Fiance or just your mom since that time is really important to her (and that you imagine she understands since she had that time with her daughter as well)?  

i agree with @Legallyblondiebride you just sometimes can’t win.  My Future Mother-In-Law is CONSTANTLY telling us that she wants to help and do small things to be a part of the wedding process and then when we invite her she ALWAYS has an excuse – it is so hurtful, and I know that she complains about it to other people and says that it is “my” wedding when my FW and I invite her ALL the time. 

Post # 5
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you’ve been gracious to invite her to all that you have already.  She will have to deal with it, if you don’t feel like budging on your mother/daughter time!

Post # 6
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am in the SAMMMEEE exact situation haha! What shes attended/will attend is picking my gown, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, boys suits, meeting with 1 florist and she’s going to give me something to borrow for the wedding. She/her daughter(my BM) are planning the rehersal dinner. Yet she’s ignoring me now because she isn’t doing enough.


My mothers first daughters wedding > her sons wedding when she planned her daughters already.

Post # 7
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@FutureMrsDavis10132012:  I understand wanting to go dress shopping with your mom because its special. I think you have involved your FMIL in a lot of the process. Maybe you can invite her to the food tasting and you and your mom can do the cake tasting together. 

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