(Closed) FMIL issues :(

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
46329 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you have any brothers? Is Fiance asking any of them to be groomsmen? If so, it will be hard not to extend the courtesy to his sister.

If not, then I say No, you do not have to ask her. I would just say that you wanted a small bridal party and had picked out your bridesmaids.

I would find another role for her- something like you suggested that would not involve her being in your direct circle on the morning of your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hmmm I dont know really what to say…you say you want only your friends by your side who have been there forever, but lets get something straight friends come and go but family is there forever (wether you rlike it or not) and his sister will be your sister in law soon.

On that note, if you dont want her in the party, thats fine. your day, your wedding your choice. As the PP said, i would just tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you are keeping the party small and want your SIL to be an usher/reader/greeter or whatever you may choose.

 

Post # 5
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I get the whole family thing but I believe that the bridesmaids are there for the bride and it should be her choice. If she really felt bad or wanted a role, would she have said something to you in the first place or is it totally FMIL’s idea? You definitely want to be calm and it sounds like from your post adding the sister might stress you out. I think its nice that you are considering a smaller role for her. I think giving her a small role like passing out programs or maybe a reading if you are having one might be better than facing the bridesmaid battle. 

As for the parents, are you and Fiance covering the wedding or another family member? If I were to take a stance, I would probably go the financial route. 60% of the guest list with no contribution seems like a little much to me. You could always say sorry but the set number of guests that we can accommodate for you is__   and leave it up to them to give you the list that meets your magic number or you and Fiance can cut down the list yourselves. 

 

Post # 6
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

How does your Fiance feel about it?  Does he want her in the wedding?  Personally, I would explain to him why you do not want this and he can tell his mom.  If it is very important for them to have her in the wedding she should stand up on your Fiance side, not yours.

Post # 7
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I completely agree with julies1949- IF you don’t have a brother as a groomsman for your FI’s side, then find another way to include her in the wedding without her being a bridesmaid.

Post # 9
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am having my FSILs be “candle bearers”. We are including a unity candle ceremony soley for the purpose so they can walk down the aisle carrying something. They will be a part of “our” party, not his or hers, but will sit with mine during that day.

This way they will wear matching dresses to each other, but not my girls. They still get to walk down the aisle as a member of the party, but they arent displacing my friends as BMs

Post # 10
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Can his sister be a “groomswoman?”  That way she’s in the wedding, but on HIS side, and can hang out with HIM before the wedding.  My brother was a “bridesman” for me, and although the sides were uneven, it really looked and worked just fine. 

I think when planning a wedding, you should compromise on a lot of things to make people happy.  However, having just gotten married this weekend, I will say that the bridal suite on the morning of the wedding needs to be filled ONLY with the people you are most comfortable with and whose company you enjoy the most.  I simply cannot emphasize this enough.  It was such a wonderful haven after a week of prewedding and family craziness to just be hanging out with my siblings having a great time.  So don’t back down on this one.  Really.

If you don’t want to do that, I think asking her to be a reader and letting her pick a fancy dress for that is a nice compromise.

Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ohhh that’s unpleasent. My Mother-In-Law came out and said (after I said that Future Sister-In-Law would NOT be in the wedding, having waited until I was in Iraq to ask Fiance to change the religion, date, and location of the wedding…long story) “Yes but the invitation is still OPEN isn’t it?”

Insane.

You need to have people who love and support you with you. Bottom line. BUT you also need to have (I think) a representation of the families blending. Happily, Fiance has another sister who is wonderful girl and she IS a bridesmaid. Is there another female relative you could integrate? Otherwise there is always the reading…and make sure she has a corsage to mark her out as a VIP as she’s still sis to the groom.

Post # 12
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Beansy: Hey look at my display name. Fiance and I call each other beans beansie beanalope….the list goes on forever

Post # 13
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs. Beans: Hi Mrs. Beans!!!!

I have a RL name that is shortened to Mel, so in HS Maid/Matron of Honor started calling me Melbelle…the Belly-Beans…then Beansy and I’m Beansy to her to this day

Post # 14
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Beansy: It always starts somewhere and then goes out of control!

Post # 15
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So I feel a little torn on how to reply to this because I can see both sides…

It’s super awkward that your Future Mother-In-Law ASKED for her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But the thing is, she IS your FI’s sister. She doesn’t have to be included in everything pre-wedding but I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law has thought about her kids being in each other’s weddings ever since they were little (I know my mom has!).

I’m kind of wondering if your Future Sister-In-Law wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and your Future Mother-In-Law was finally the one to ask your Fiance about it.

However, it is entirely up to you on who you would like around you. You know your relationship with her better than any of us here and if you really feel like she would be more of a negative on your day, then don’t ask.

Would it really be so bad for her to stand up there and make everyone happy? Only you can answer that. If you can work out a way to include her in the ceremony and that would make your Future Mother-In-Law happy, why not?

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