- 7 years ago
Sorry for the novel, I’ll try and make it as brief as possible.
So Fiance and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We met each other’s parents when we had been together less than a month, but I didn’t meet his grandma (mum’s mum) until about 18 months ago when his grandpa died and she had to go into a home.
Future Mother-In-Law is constantly negative about her mother, says awful things about her, doesn’t go visit her very often, and encourages the her children (FI and 2 sisters) to avoid their grandma. Fiance is the baby of the family, and has never really questioned the way his mother treats his grandmother, but I’m really uncomfortable with it.
We’ve been to visit her probably half a dozen times in the last 18 months. The visits are always a bit awkward, but I think that we need to just suck it up and deal with it. It’s no great sacrifice for us to go and visit her and have a nice chat, and it makes her really happy.
Our problem is… Future Mother-In-Law has informed Future Sister-In-Law who has informed Fiance that if we invite the grandmother, Future Mother-In-Law will not attend. I’m so incredibly uncomfortable with this, especially since last time we visited the grandma spent half the visit talking about how hurt she was that she didn’t get invited to Future Sister-In-Law wedding a few years ago.
Now, most rational people wouldn’t actually follow through with that kind of a threat, but this is the same Future Mother-In-Law who tried to cancel FI’s birthday two years ago because we had invited my parents to (who she has spoken to countless times on the phone, because their house doesn’t have cell reception). I know that it wouldn’t take much for her to not come to our wedding, and I also know it would absolutely break FI’s heart if his mum wasn’t there.
Future Sister-In-Law (the rational one) thinks her mum should just get over herself and let grandma come to the ceremony (we wouldn’t have invited her to the reception anyway). Other Future Sister-In-Law (lovely, but more like her mum) thinks I’m just going to cause trouble if I try and question it. Fiance has no opinion… He just doesn’t want us to get disowned by his mum because she is renowned for holding grudges!
I haven’t brought it up with Future Mother-In-Law at all face to face, she didn’t even tell me of the decision though, I’ve found out through the family grapevine.
Should I ask her to explain her decision? Should I offer to compromise and just invite the grandmother to the ceremony and hope she thinks that’s reasonable? Or should I just deal with FI’s family politics and just worry about my own crazy (but much easier to deal with) family?
My biggest worry is going to see the grandma after we get married!
Thanks bees 🙂