- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2016
Hi bees, so I feel a bit weird writing about this online but I don’t know how to approach this issue and my FI is no help hahaha. My wonderful partner of 5 years proposed to me at the beginning of this year with a gorgeous 1 carat ring, I was already wearing a placeholder ring on that finger which he gave me last year so it wasn’t a huge suprise or anything. When I told my friends I got lots of happy “awwes” and genuine smiles and love towards my FI and myself, but I also got a few odd remarks. The first person that made me feel kind of down by our engagement was my FMIL. She’s wonderful and kind and loving, but when FI told her she asked if we were just getting engaged to be engaged? and has really upset my beloved by not talking to him as much now and at one point told him he was dissapointing her and his grandparents.
We are 21, so we are both quite young. We’ve known each other since we were 14 and started dating at 15. So most of our struggles and problems up until now have been working around work/studying (we are both at the end of our degrees)/ FI has a marketting internship with a huge company and I freelance design, aswell as just not being overly wealthy at this point and we come from different backgrounds.
We have more than enough to pay bills and eat really well (FI is a chef) and we always have a fair amount to waste on stuff but I think maybe shes worried about us not bringing in full-time wages and wanting us to travel for a while and buy a home.
The other thing that is a big thing we tend to have to compromise over is I am born to a Jehovahs Witness family, and they are all really lovely and don’t pressure us that we aren’t, but I have still been raised with different morals and beliefs than him. His family are lot more relaxed than mine, which is fine and I have no problem with Christmas day being spent with his family and things, but its awkward and hard for my family when him and I live together and we’re not married and they are still trying to raise my 4 siblings (18 and 17 year old brothers and 14 and 8 year old sisters) that you are meant to wait until marriage before living with someone and other things like that.
I don’t know if maybe she feels we aren’t sure about each other and maybe shes worried about our financial situation or that we don’t have enough life experience to make this decision? we have also only ever seen each other and never really dated anyone else or anything like that which I feel she might feel means he hasn’t had the chance to meet other people? Maybe it’s me, maybe I just rub her the wrong way and she’s just upset that we are making this choice and I’m not the person she envisioned him with? or maybe shes just being a mother which is what I’ve been convincing myself is going on. She just want’s the best for us and want’s to make sure we are making the right choice.
I guess what I want advice on is how should I approach her with this, or help my FI who is a bit down because he made a decision which he thought was right but it kind of feels like we’re being punished for it. Do you think we should just wait longer (we planned on getting married in 2 years after our 7th anniversary) or we are fine in our decision and should stand strong by it.