(Closed) FMIL issues help! Need advice. PLEASE!!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
116 posts
Blushing bee


ummm this one is hard because you just can’t stay out of ….they are family. I would side with Father-In-Law

I would say to tell the mother that this man has caused too much pain in your Fiance family and you do not want his presence at your wedding. This is supposed to be a happy time in your life and you do not want their problems to cause tension with boths sides of the family.

Let her know that she is welcomed to come to the wedding but he is not to come to the wedding. If you have to hire someone to guard to door. Let her know that her actions with this man have destroyed her family and not to let it destroy her son’s wedding. This is his request to his mother on his wedding day. She does not want to come to the wedding it will be her lost.

Just think about your Father-In-Law there with the man that broke his family apart. 

About the whole baby thing just drop it. She is trying to lie to herself on why she does not spend enough time with her grandchild.

Post # 5
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds a little bananas, gotta say.

Trying to look at it from her perspective here. From the way she is spending all of her time with him and encouraging the rest of her family to include him, she may see your FI declining to invite him as a condemnation of her choice to separate from his father.

That said, you can offer her the option to bring along a same sex +1.

Sounds like she will still insist on her +1 being her new boyfriend, in which case simply do not extend the invite to him. Send her a formal invite just for her name and insists she RSVPs.

Your Fiance might be able to soothe some egos by spending time alone with him or the two of them, no need for you to go if she is nasty to you.

Post # 7
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i would leave this up to your fi and his family to discuss with his mother; mind you, i would have my say as to what was discussed.

Post # 8
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s not unreasonable to ask Future Mother-In-Law to leave her new boyfriend at home if the divorce/separation is less than a year old.  Just send her the invite and make it clear that he is not welcome.  FI should visit/call her and explain calmly and rationally why the new boytoy is not invited.  The divorce/separation is really new and it’s hard to accept a new person when he is trying to deal with the divorce is a really good and valid reason.  Mentioning the FFIL’s ultimatum is probably not the best idea, as it looks to her like you’re choosing his feelings over hers.  

Your Fiance of course wants both of his parents there for his wedding but he needs to understand now that this may not happen.  His mother may not choose to come to his wedding and he can’t change that.  Also your Future Father-In-Law should look into getting custody of his daughters–it’s hard enough to deal with a divorce without all the craziness that their mother is bringing. Not feeding them unless they go to the new boyfriend’s house is unacceptable.  They need a loving, stable and supportive environment, not a crazy absentee mother.

Post # 9
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would let her know that neither her nor your Future Father-In-Law are being invited with a guest out of respect for each other and all of the family members involved and just leave it at that.

The topic ‘FMIL issues help! Need advice. PLEASE!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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