Post # 1
Ok so a lil over a year ago we found out my Future Mother-In-Law was texting another man but my Fiance and his sisters kept it a secret from their dad. Now my FIL’s are getting divorced and it’s just been a big pain in the booty for everyone involved. She came out shortly after leaving my Father-In-Law and told her kids she was dating this man and she has been trying to force feed him down everyones throats. She has a 16yr old at home and a 19yr old in college and my Fiance. Her youngest tells me she is never home and never has food at the house. If she asked her mom to cook for her she tells her she’s not dooking at the house if she wants to eat she will be cooking at the boyfriends. Just a lil background on the bf HE IS NASTY! He’s known in the lil small town for having relationships with married women and then leaving them later. I don’t like him and I especially don’t want him around my 13mo old. Does not have good morals and I have no respect for cheaters to begin with. Well she never goes anywhere without this man obviously she doesn’t trust him I wouldn’t. Anywho the relationship between me and my Future Mother-In-Law isn’t a great one to begin with anyway. We were awesome until I got pregnant and had my lil girl then she started bad mouthing me to people saying I never let her see the baby or take her but I let my parents do what they wanted with her. It’s all lies. I breastfeed so baby goes where I go. I never once in my life have ever stopped her from seeing her grandchild ever. It hurt my feelings and there were lots of tears and then I got angry. I’m pretty much done with his mom I don’t like her and I can’t stand her I don’t want her at the wedding but of course she’s his mom so I’ll have to deal with it. This woman just makes me angry. I know she has said nasty things about me because my FSIL’s both have told me on seperate occasions the same things. Well my Fiance called her out on it and she denied everything saying the girls were lying because they were mad at her. Thats a lie the girls have no reason to lie to me and my Mother-In-Law has been caught in lie after lie. Anyway she is wanting to take her boyfriend to the wedding and we didn’t put him or any of his family on the guestlist because we don’t want them there. My Father-In-Law has told my Fiance that if she takes her boyfriend he is leaving and it’s really important to him to have both his parents present all day long. Any ideas how we should go about telling her where she understands. He has told her already we don’t want the boyfriend there but she never listens it goes in one ear and out the other. I have lots of other issues with her but it would be even longer. Should we sit down and talk witht he boyfriend and let him know ourselves so he is clear we don’t want him? Ideas please bees?
Post # 3
ummm this one is hard because you just can’t stay out of ….they are family. I would side with Father-In-Law
I would say to tell the mother that this man has caused too much pain in your Fiance family and you do not want his presence at your wedding. This is supposed to be a happy time in your life and you do not want their problems to cause tension with boths sides of the family.
Let her know that she is welcomed to come to the wedding but he is not to come to the wedding. If you have to hire someone to guard to door. Let her know that her actions with this man have destroyed her family and not to let it destroy her son’s wedding. This is his request to his mother on his wedding day. She does not want to come to the wedding it will be her lost.
Just think about your Father-In-Law there with the man that broke his family apart.
About the whole baby thing just drop it. She is trying to lie to herself on why she does not spend enough time with her grandchild.
Post # 4
It helps. Fiance has explained he doesn’t want the bf there but we will see if she follows through and actually listens. I love my Father-In-Law to death, he has been nothing but supportive and loving to us and is helping us pay for a few things I would be upset if he didn’t get to share in our day because of Future Mother-In-Law. It’s a big stressful situation and she loves drama!
Post # 5
Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds a little bananas, gotta say.
Trying to look at it from her perspective here. From the way she is spending all of her time with him and encouraging the rest of her family to include him, she may see your FI declining to invite him as a condemnation of her choice to separate from his father.
That said, you can offer her the option to bring along a same sex +1.
Sounds like she will still insist on her +1 being her new boyfriend, in which case simply do not extend the invite to him. Send her a formal invite just for her name and insists she RSVPs.
Your Fiance might be able to soothe some egos by spending time alone with him or the two of them, no need for you to go if she is nasty to you.
Post # 6
She definitely is something else. Father-In-Law has plainly stated this guy shows up and I’m gone. It’s very important to Fiance to have both his parents present that day whether or not they get along they don’t have to interact with eachother. Hopefully she can muster enough love for her son if even for a few hours to be without the bf. We will be sending an invite to her, addressed to her only her. Bf and his extended family will not be getting one. Guest list is done and we’re not making any changes. It’s such a sticky situation and I wish Fiance would stop worrying about trying to make his momma happy and stick up for himself when it comes to her.
Post # 7
i would leave this up to your fi and his family to discuss with his mother; mind you, i would have my say as to what was discussed.
Post # 8
It’s not unreasonable to ask Future Mother-In-Law to leave her new boyfriend at home if the divorce/separation is less than a year old. Just send her the invite and make it clear that he is not welcome. FI should visit/call her and explain calmly and rationally why the new boytoy is not invited. The divorce/separation is really new and it’s hard to accept a new person when he is trying to deal with the divorce is a really good and valid reason. Mentioning the FFIL’s ultimatum is probably not the best idea, as it looks to her like you’re choosing his feelings over hers.
Your Fiance of course wants both of his parents there for his wedding but he needs to understand now that this may not happen. His mother may not choose to come to his wedding and he can’t change that. Also your Future Father-In-Law should look into getting custody of his daughters–it’s hard enough to deal with a divorce without all the craziness that their mother is bringing. Not feeding them unless they go to the new boyfriend’s house is unacceptable. They need a loving, stable and supportive environment, not a crazy absentee mother.
Post # 9
I would let her know that neither her nor your Future Father-In-Law are being invited with a guest out of respect for each other and all of the family members involved and just leave it at that.
Post # 10
@heave! That is exactly what I want to do Fiance says though that if his dad ends up bringing someone to accompany him we can’t stop Mother-In-Law from bringing her bf. We will be going to visit family in a couple weeks since we live several hours away from both our families and hopefully Fiance can have a talk with his momma then and get the point accross to her clearly.