(Closed) FMIL issues… (kinda long, and a vent, sorry)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 4
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Poor you. Unfortunately if her mind is set in this pattern, probably only time will convince her different.

The one thing I would say, is that whatever his family dynamic is like, he can’t not respond to her talking to/about you like that. No matter her feelings, she’s plain rude.

Can you guys afford to do a tiny itty bitty destination wedding in Nov? Like just the two of you!

Best of luck with this – so many awful Future Mother-In-Law stories on the boards. I give thanks for mine most days, she’s a sweetheart, thank God!

Post # 5
457 posts
Helper bee

I agree, your Fiance can not allow her to talk to you like that. I had a similar situation, my Fiance had his mother on speaker phone for 2 hours while she screamed such terrible things about me. I had just gotten home from work and I had to sit there in my own home and listen to this. I was so hurt and upset, I actually kicked him out. I was livid he let her go on like that, he didn’t mean to do it but he just didn’t know what to do. She was destroying our relationship, we went to therapy and it has helped him understand what HE needs to do for us and the relationship, and things have been drastically different once he started to take a stand for  me and the relationship.

You will not be able to change what this mother thinks of you or what she says about you, but you can control how or when she does it. She needs to understand that she won’t be in both of your lives if she continues to talk this way to him about you. That is something he needs to communicate with her and stick to. It sucks that they can’t be happy for him, but at least he has YOUR family to support and be there for him.  She is only hurting herself, because the more she does this, the more she will push him away. It’s something you need to let her deciede on.

Post # 6
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can relate. My Mother-In-Law called me the day of the wedding to bitch about something, then didn’t say good-bye or hang up the phone and I overheard her talking crap about how “I was sitting around getting my hair colored” and making Darling Husband watch our son. I was livid. Yeah, I was getting my hair colored, I have gray hair and didn’t have time earlier in the week because I was too busy coloring her and my mom’s hair, cutting DH’s hair, hosting the rehearsal dinner ’cause my mom wouldn’t drive to the resturant and making appts. for Mother-In-Law which she cancelled. Darling Husband asked her to apologize and she did and now everything is great between us. She said she was just really stressed and she tends to be mean when she’s anxious.

So maybe this is a lot for your Future Mother-In-Law to take in. It sounds like your Fiance is willing to stand up for you which is good. Give her some time to come around and don’t get down on yourself.

Post # 8
923 posts
Busy bee

I agree with other bee’s who said you can’t change her or how she feels about this situation. All you two can do is what’s right for you and your family. You, your children, and your Fiance are the new nuclear family now and that needs to come first. If you two can manage it would there be a way for the both of you to attend some couples counseling? It can really make a difference. You both need some tools to deal with this, and both of you have different roles in dealing with this too. Perhaps your churches can give you referals to some counselors who offer low cost services.

Rely on your wonderful family in times like this. You have an amazing year ahead of you both, and I wish all the happiness in the world for you!! You can do this!! Just keep something in mind, even though times are tough right now, it won’t be like this forever. There is light at the end of the tunnel. This is fixable. You just need the right tools to help you both. The foundation of your marriage is being layed right now, and why not make it as indestructable as possible? See what counseling services are offered in your area. I’m confident you can find something that will fit your budget.


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