Post # 182
Sunshine bride stole the words right out of my mouth… you know the right answer, and the right one isn’t always the easiest one. But in a year, two years, or ten years, you’ll be so happy you listened to your instinct.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 183
go with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right and the other party involved does not want ot put in the time to fix things then it isn’t right. Your family and friends want what is best for you. They will understand and give you support.
I’m sure you are nervous and scared. HUGS HUGS HUGS
Post # 184
Wow. I think this maybe my first positive post.
I called around to about 50 counselors to see if they could meet with us about our big problem. Completely last minute… Called around from 2-3:30 and thank god I found one guy that was available at 4:30.
Some of what he had to say was a eye opener and I knew that going into the session.
But he actually agreed with all of us(me and the hive). His relationship to his mom is not normal. (*a silent yipee.)
There was some other things he said but overall it was a good session. He didn’t tell us what to do and what not to do. He wasn’t able to diagonose us. Not yet at least. We are going to continue seeing him.
The one thing when I came home and wanted to hear from him is if he agreed with what he had to say about him and his mom’s relationship and that he is willing to work on it becoming more independent from her. He says yeah. He did have some buts but at least it is progress. I know it’s going to take a while for him to complete realize there is a problem but like everyone says…. you can’t fix a problem if you can’t admit that you are doing something wrong. (or something like that… I’m horrible with remembering sayings.) So at least he was able to admit that there is a problem.
He also brought up that our love is strong but there is this mom issue that is makng me unsure whether or not to proceed.
Some of that doubt is there but I think that is part of my insercurities that I have in myself. He mentioned that.
I feel much better and I know this marriage will take work and I’m not going to abandon him or give up on him. He gave me his word that he will work on it.
Me and his mom does have issues that we will need to work out but the guy emphasized that in marriage it is between a man and a women. Family should not be intertwined in our marriage.
I will make sure that we do not give up on this couples counselling and that we still need it. Hopefully not for the rest our days on earth but that we know it is there when we need it the most.
Post # 185
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Yay!!!! I am SO happy that you went to counseling! It sounds like it went really well!! It also sounds like y’all have made a HUGE step in the right direction! Be sure to keep updating us!
Post # 186
I am so glad to read your post! Keep us updated, it sounds like you two are taking the right steps for a strong, solid marriage. 🙂
Post # 187
I’ve been silently following this all along, I could never really think of anything useful to tell you that hadn’t already been said.
I’m SO glad that you are going to counseling and that you’ve already had a bit of a breakthrough. I hope that you guys stick with it long enough to work on these issues, I really believe you can have a happy marriage if you can work through this. I’m SO proud of you for standing up for yourself!! Now if we can only get him to stand up to his Mom!
Post # 188
So glad you went to counseling – and that he agreed to go too! Things are looking up already! Please keep us posted on how things are going.
Post # 189
Glad you were able to find someone you could meet with so soon. A word of advice, do not get cocky or rub it in that you were right and he was wrong about the mom relationship.
My Fiance and I saw a counselor back in July and I too had some silent YIPPEE moments during the sessions. It was the best thing that we have done together as he had some unrealistic ideas of how relationships worked (evidently, people that are going to have successful marriages NEVER fight, or so he thought). Boy was I glad when our counselor looked at him and said, “My husband and I have been married more than 25 years and we sit down ever New Year’s and go over what went right and what went wrong that year and decide how to fix it.
You can do this!
Post # 190
I’m glad you guys went to counseling and working on your relationship. Congrats…that’s great!
Post # 191
Thanks for that advice. I know I did leave the session a bit happier than FH did. I tried not to rub it in. But now that you told me that advice, I will now be more careful or try not to do it as much.
Post # 192
Curious – how did things turn out?
Post # 193
We got married and it was an amazing day. I wasn’t disrepectful to her. I acknowlegded her and was nice to her on my wedding day.
Overall, it was a great night, we even hugged at the end of the night and said that we didn’t want to fight anymore.
Then I found out from my family the next day, that she was a complete b*&[email protected] to some of my bridesmaids. One of my bm told her that she like her dress. She said yeah, thank you and rolled her eyes and walked away.
Here’s is what really pissed me off, my brother in law, who is white. (I say this because my family is vietnamese.) Anyway, my brother in law overheard her complaining about my uncle’s speech. My family wanted someone to speak to thank everyone for coming in english and then he briefly spoke in veitnamese to allow some of the vietnamese guest to understand . Well, Mother-In-Law was complaining OUTLOUD after the ceremony about how she couldn’t understand what he was staying and she was pissed that we would put someone up there that couldn’t speak english really well. OH, I was pissed. My whole family is pissed at her. You know, she can be pissed at me all she wants but don’t take it out on my family. They did nothing to you! I told my husband and he was pissed that she said that.
Now that we are home, we are going to contine to go to counseling. We are going to work on our relatiionship first. and if this issue still bothers me, he will have to confront her and tell her that I thought she was being disrespectful. (I know she has the right to say whatever she wants, but do it in the car, do it in her home, don’t do it at the church where there are friends of both sides near by. She’s an idiot. I just hope that none of my friends overheard her complaining… because that would make her look like a horrible person.)
Anyway, me and the husband are happy and very excited that everyone had a great time at our wedding. A bunch of people told us that it was one of the best weddings they went to. (Yay!) We both happy and we both know that there are somethings we need to work on. I do see his progress. There was something she did to me the few days before the wedding and he told me that she was wrong and that she shouldn’t have done what she did. It was the first time where I felt, he put me first before his mom. It felt so good.
Anyway, well our wedding was in philly and Mother-In-Law lives in Philly too. We live in Seattle and are now back in Seattle. So now I at least I have the distance working for me.
Post # 194
@yrret: What ended up happening with the dance? Did they do one? If so, what song did they use?
Post # 195
Oh, yeah we took out the inappropriate songs. They dance to Blue eyes and the blessed song by elton john. She was still pissed that she couldn’t play her songs. Before the wedding, she told me that she didn’t even want to have a mother son dance. Well at the reception, when it came to time for the dance. She did.
Oh, I posted my photos of my wedding.
My wedding photos- DIY & planned mostly by me
Post # 196
Congrats! Am so happy that things worked out for you. And your pictures are beautiful!