posted 5 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
3319 posts
Sugar bee

ingognito345 :  Plenty of women have a crazy FMIL and find a way to make it work because they are on the same page with their FI/DH and their FI/DH has their back. 

You and your FI are not on the same side of this issue–you have a FI problem–he’s blaming you for the FMIL issues. I would postpone, consider counseling, and do a lot of hard thinking about what you want your life to look like long term. 

Post # 4
9664 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

ingognito345 :  sadly, this happens often. She escalated once you became engaged/ aka, a threat. I’m sorry to say that I would run in the other direction if your FI doesn’t believe you. 

My FMIL is the same, but my FI warned me about her lies, manipulations and estrangements before I ever met her, so when she tried to blame my FI for things behind his back, I made sure she knew I wasn’t going to side with her. She loves to lie/gossip about the other DIL, so I made sure to shut that down too, but it hasn’t stopped her from trying to drag us all into her ring of crazy.

It’s still been difficult, and we are on the same side. So I’m not sure how this can be managed in a loving relationship when your FI doesn’t even believe you. I would tell him he either needs to be husband material or this won’t work. 

Post # 6
5145 posts
Bee Keeper

ingognito345 :  This is also a parent problem!  Why would your parents believe her over their own daughter??

Post # 8
974 posts
Busy bee

Bee, I think you have a problem. Your FI thinks that you (and your family) are liars? WTH!! That would not at all be acceptable to me. I would have a calm talk with him, make it clear that your MIL’s actions are negatively affecting you and the relationship and flat-out ask him why he thinks you, his FI, is lying to him. If he reiterates that you are lying, ask why he would want to marry a liar. Then tell him he has a choice to open his eyes to the truth because you will no longer tolerate being maligned and insulted by him. I’m sorry, bee.

Post # 9
5145 posts
Bee Keeper

ingognito345 :  However now it is causing issues between her and my family because she lies and gives half truths, of which my FI does not believe and thinks I am lying and so are my parents which is causing LOTS of tension.

Read more:

Sorry it was that section that I thought you were saying your parents were believing her over you.

In this case, it’s still a FI problem.  In order to deal with a MIL, you need a FI or DH that backs you up and act like a team.

Post # 11
3914 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

ingognito345 :  Yikes! Many Bees have in-law problems. I myself have a troublesome MIL who sometimes makes things dicey. However, the biggest difference here is that my DH has my back 100% 

The fact that your FI tells you that he thinkgs you are a liar, that he thinks your parents are liars, would be a dealbreaker for me. He is showing you a major disrespect and this is not someone I want to live a life with. Period. 

Post # 12
585 posts
Busy bee

I hope you’re not serious when you imply that if you knew that your FMIL would be so crazy, you wouldn’t have gotten involved with your FI. If you’re feeling such resentment over the fact right now, maybe you should hold off or cancel the wedding. 

Post # 13
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

ingognito345 :  So…your about to marry a man that thinks you’re a liar? 

Post # 14
8639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bee, you don’t just marry a man, for better or worse you marry into a family. That’s still true when a FI has your back since issues that affect him will inevitably affect both of you. But it is another kind of situation altogether when your FI does not believe you and thinks you are lying.

No this is not typical and no, it is not too late to call things off. Which is exactly what I’d do.

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