Post # 1
Because I’m such a lady, I definitely included Future Mother-In-Law on the shower guest lists. Next week I’m going back to Texas for two showers, one is lingerie, then a gigantic church misc. shower the next day, and I really didn’t expect Future Mother-In-Law to come to either since it’s a 5 hour drive. However, because she’s passive aggressive and loves me SO much, she’s making the trip for the weekend.
A little bit about my Future Mother-In-Law: She’s recently divorced after 25 year marriage to Future Father-In-Law and has been in a two year relationship with her HS sweetheart (total jack*ss) and has manipulated FH and I into spending holidays with her, making promises to her, catering to her every want, etc. She’s really needy and shy, and gets easily offended.
So, she tells FH that she plans to come down for the showers, but it’s conditional:
(1) She doesn’t want to just be another face in the crowd
(2) She doesn’t want to sit alone in her hotel all weekend
(3) Oh yeah, and one last thing, are men allowed to come???
So the first two, I felt a little ashamed that she would even think of, my family’s really hospitable and we would LOVE to include her in everything that weekend. The thought of her spending the weekend alone in her hotel makes me really sad. HOWEVER, the 3rd one?! WTF. Awkward Boyfriend is NOT making an appearance at my lingerie shower! My dad’s even going out of town that weekend.
So several questions here:
How do I include her and honor her without giving away my thunder? How do we break it to her that men can’t come? And how do I keep my sister from making snarky comments about Future Mother-In-Law to me all weekend?
Post # 3
As for the men part. Be honest. Tell her what the shower is, tell her that your dad is not coming. Tell her that it’s ladies only. Be honest yet blunt. Leave no room for interpretation.
Have your mom’s met before? Do you have a aunt that would be able to take her to lunch/show her around. MOH’s usually deal with coordinating difficult parents. I hate to say it, but pawn her off on someone so it’s not always you picking her up etc. Other people are more than capable of doing that. Just make sure she knows who’s getting her and she has a cell number or something.
Post # 4
Just tell her men aren’t allowed at the shower.
What do you mean by ‘giving away your thunder’? I would just give her a task to help greet all the guests or help with the presents so she can be involved that way. It just sounds like she wants to be included.
Post # 5
Wow that sucks. If she’s going to complain, she shouldn’t freakin’ come! Nothing says awkward like opening up sexy things in front of your FI’s mom =]
Tell her men aren’t allowed at the showers. I mean, helloooo. And tell her that your family is looking forward to getting to know her better/spend time with her. Surely your family isn’t so rude as to leave her sitting there all by herself, I mean, really! The party’s not about her, so if she has to sit quietly and contently and watch, that sounds fine to me.
Post # 6
1. To honor her: what about giving your mom and her a little corsage or something – for the mother of the bride and groom. That should make her feel special and stand out.
2. re: men: Tell her no men are invited to the shower(s). It’s pretty normal and shouldn’t surprise her
3. re: sister: Tell your sister (ahead of time) that your Future Mother-In-Law will be attending and it will be helpful for your stress level to keep any negative comments to herself – you could also broaden that to anyone, including Future Mother-In-Law.
It’s hard being the odd-ball out, going to a family party where you are the newbie. She’s probably feeling self-conscious and intimidated, no matter how warm and accepting your family may be. If you have a friendly, outgoing Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’d ask that friend to make sure Future Mother-In-Law is having a good time – kind of be her ‘buddy’ at the shower, so to speak.