(Closed) FMIL…(LONG)

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

For what it’s worth, if that was the culture she was raised with and knows, it seems fair that it would be a prominent part of her life. I’m doing an ancestry project with my students, one of whom is adopted, and he is researching the traditions from his adoptive parents’ heritage, because being raised by them that’s what is most relevant. I’d maybe just try to cut her some slack on that one.

Post # 3
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

This sounds very judgemental and mean. The woman was raised in Greek culture. Who are you to comment on her “real” heritage??

It sounds like she’s been nothing but kind to you and you’re just looking for reasons to be annoyed.

Post # 4
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You shouldnt judge her just because she isn’t Greek by blood it was how she was raised. My aunt went on a whim and became Jewish and all my family supported her and didn’t judge her at all. Oh and my brother and I have different fathers and my Italian father raised him and my brother follows Italian traditions and nobody judges him. I don’t see what the big deal is here if she’s doing something nice for you. You never know she may give you a nice wedding gift 

Post # 5
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

You said that you think she knows deep down the truth, but doesn’t know it outwardly. And that her mother told you ‘us’ before she died that your Future Mother-In-Law was adopted. This seems to me that your Future Mother-In-Law wasn’t told that she was adopted, and while may have a feeling she was, she doesn’t know and thinks the Greek culture is her culture. And it is her culture if she was raised in it and married into it. So nothing to snark about on that front.

However, as for her trying to throw this wedding shower with only people she knows and trying to pressure you into inviting this couple to your wedding, I am in agreement with you. Stand your ground, it is your day and it would be strange to have a wedding shower with people not invited to the wedding in attendance – it sounds like most of the guests are people not invited to the wedding, not just this couple.

Post # 7
Member
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You were doing ok until you raised the “she’s not even Greek” thing. She identifies as Greek because her father was Greek.  All of which is irrelevant to the concern you raised here.

 

Post # 10
Member
9825 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

View original reply
gijanedoe:  Her judgement and criticism of people who aren’t Greek is bigoted, and her daily bragging of the heritage and culture is annoying, but criticising her for her heritage (or believed heritage) is getting down to her level. Apart from that, continue to stand your ground, but as politely as possible.

Post # 12
Member
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
gijanedoe:  As my mother, and many other mothers, used to say, two wrongs don’t make a right.

You are no doubt irritated by her, but you can make a conscious decision to not let her push your buttons. She is going to be in your life a long time. She is unlikely to change.

I am also sure that you are absolutely correct, that inviting the couple to the shower she wanted to host is simply an end run around the fact that they are not invited to the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gijanedoe:  I am adopted and claiming that you are greek because of your adopted parent(s) is completely normal. In fact, I do it with mine. Especially if you were raised that way. We have no other traditions otherwise. Being blood Irish means nothing if you were not raised that way.

 

I do agree with the wedding shower issue though.

 

Post # 15
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gijanedoe:  Great idea to delete this thread. As someone who is adopted, I find your comments very offensive. Regardless of her behavior, two wrongs (or negative attitudes) do not make a right.

The topic ‘FMIL…(LONG)’ is closed to new replies.

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